A sheild

All God’s words are tried and true; a shield for those who take refuge in him. ~Proverbs 30:5

God knows we need places to hide. Not the masks of “I have it all together” but a shield of “I know I don’t have it all together but I know the One who does”. It seems the psalms are riddled with poetic lines that sing of safe places of rest and shields from the troubles that surround at all sides.

But you, Lord, are my shield! You are my glory! You are the one who restores me. ~Psalm 3:3

God is my shield; he saves those whose heart is right. ~Psalm 7:10

The Lord is my solid rock, my fortress, my rescuer. My God is my rock— I take refuge in him!— he’s my shield, my salvation’s strength, my place of safety. ~Psalm 18:2

God! His way is perfect; the Lord’s word is tried and true. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. ~Psalm 18:30

You’ve given me the shield of your salvation; your strong hand has supported me; your help has made me great. ~Psalm 18:35

The Lord is a sun and shield; God is favor and glory. The Lord gives—doesn’t withhold!—good things to those who walk with integrity. ~Psalm 84:11

God will protect you with his pinions; you’ll find refuge under his wings. His faithfulness is a protective shield. ~Psalm 91:4

God is my loyal one, my fortress, my place of safety, my rescuer, my shield, in whom I take refuge, and the one who subdues people before me. ~Psalm 144:2

This Shield protects us while we figure out how to move on in our journey. It protects us as we try to move on in our lives. Life happens, someone dies, tragedy strikes, illness occurs, a court decision doesn’t go the way we think it should, a spouse falls back into addiction, a child has been arrested. God wants to provide us with a safe place while we struggle with questions of why and how to continue on. God gives us a resting place in him while we struggle with learning the Truths and until we are able to embrace them

How do you continue forward when your heart is breaking? I have asked this a lot…

Maybe it is in the little things: a smile at my son when I feel like crying, a walk with my husband though I want to be alone, a laugh with my daughter when there is so much to do, a cup of coffee with a friend despite a busy schedule, reading my Bible even though I am mad at God…

Maybe it is in the daily tasks: of doing laundry when I’d rather stay in bed, fixing my hair when I’d rather put it in a ponytail, cooking a meal when I’d rather not eat, dusting when I’d rather just read… It amazes me how much better I feel after doing these simple acts of life.

God shields my heart while I go through the act of living until it feels right again, one smile at a time, one task at a time, a gift of normalcy not meant to be a burden but a way for us to carry on.

We are supposed to ever move on. It is the nature of living.

Heavenly Father, shield my heart this day as I take this day one step at a time. I thank you for Your love and peace that passes my present understand. Be with me in all I do and say this day, may it ever be a reflection of Your love to those I meet. Amen.

Self-relience

The real believers are the ones the Spirit of God leads to work away at this ministry, filling the air with Christ’s praise as we do it. We couldn’t carry this off by our own efforts, and we know it– even though we can list what many might think are impressive credentials. You know my pedigree: a legitimate birth, circumcised on the eighth day; an Israelite from the elite tribe of Benjamin; a strict and devout adherent to God’s law; a fiery defender of the purity of my religion, even to the point of persecuting Christians; a meticulous observer of everything set down in God’s law Book. The very credentials these people are waving around as something special, I’m tearing up and throwing out with the trash– along with everything else I used to take credit for. And why? Because of Christ. Yes, all the things I once thought were so important are gone from my life. Compared to the high privilege of knowing Christ Jesus as my Master, firsthand, everything I once thought I had going for me is insignificant– dog dung. I’ve dumped it all in the trash so that I could embrace Christ and be embraced by him. I didn’t want some petty, inferior brand of righteousness that comes from keeping a list of rules when I could get the robust kind that comes from trusting Christ– God’s righteousness. I gave up all that inferior stuff so I could know Christ personally, experience his resurrection power, be a partner in his suffering, and go all the way with him to death itself. If there was any way to get in on the resurrection from the dead, I wanted to do it. ~Phil 3:3-11 (Message)

Self-reliance is living in selfishness, flesh. What does the Bible say to us about living in the flesh?

“People whose lives are based on selfishness think about selfish things, but people whose lives are based on the Spirit think about things that are related to the Spirit.” ~Rom 8:5 (CEB)
“The Spirit is the one who gives life and the flesh doesn’t help at all. The words I have spoken to you are spirit and life.” ~John 6:63 (CEB)
“A person’s selfish desires are set against the Spirit, and the Spirit is set against one’s selfish desires. They are opposed to each other, so you shouldn’t do whatever you want to do.” ~Gal 5:17 (CEB)

The spirit and the flesh are in opposition. This struggle robs us from our true identity found only in Christ. Jesus doesn’t care about our good reputation; he cares about building our good character. Anything we do to get life and identity outside of Christ is idol worship, even service to Christ. Self-righteousness, self-sufficiency, self-effort and self-reliance rob us of a life of freedom and victory.

Our definition of sin, the bad stuff people do, the heart breaks people cause, the poor decisions people make… somehow our desire to be our own little god is left off the list. Instead of looking to God to provide what is needed, do we roll up our sleeves and take on responsibilities that were never meant for us?

How many times do I see a problem, put my limitations on it and decide what I think the solution should be? Do I miss out on a miracle because I am depending on myself? I want to live like I have a God that knows what He is doing.

It isn’t about my doing God’s work; it’s about my trusting God to do the work in me. God doesn’t want my service, he doesn’t want my independence. He wants me.

I need to live more than just believing in God, I need to live from God. I need to step out from behind my mask of self-reliance and walk in faith.

Lord, Help me in my struggle to be self-reliant. I know that when I walk in faith and live like You are in control I can see you working in my life. May I live in freedom and victory. Amen.

Masks of our choosing

Then they both saw clearly and knew that they were naked. So they sewed fig leaves together and made garments for themselves. ~Genesis 3:7 (CEB)

When we make the choice to believe Satan’s lie, we believe that we must perform for our acceptance. We realize that we do not measure up. We are aware of our nakedness, our vulnerability, our imperfection.

What do we do when we realize that we do not measure up? We scramble for something to hide our shame. We put on masks of our own making, sewn together with fear. What are some masks that we might wear in our realization that we are imperfect? Here is a small list:

My service in church will make me acceptable.
I gain respect by acting responsible.
Following the rules makes me good enough.
Acting righteous makes me righteous.
Getting up early to pray every morning will make me a good Christian.
Cooking healthy meals makes me a good mom.
Keeping my house clean makes me a good wife.
Working hard makes me a good employee.
Insert here your own insecurities…

Does God leave us in our insecurities? While we are hiding God comes looking for us. He beckons to us, calling us to come out to him. “Where are you”, he calls. He already knows our hiding spot (Gen 3:8-9). He calls to us because we have to come out of hiding in order to be found. We have to come out from behind our masks in order to be healed, in order to be made whole.

Heavenly Father, I thank you for calling to me and not leaving me behind my masks of insecurities. I want to be made whole. Help me to be healed. Amen.

The tree of knowledge

The snake was the most intelligent of all the wild animals that the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say that you shouldn’t eat from any tree in the garden?” The woman said to the snake, “We may eat the fruit of the garden’s trees but not the fruit of the tree in the middle of the garden. God said, ‘Don’t eat from it, and don’t touch it, or you will die.’” The snake said to the woman, “You won’t die! God knows that on the day you eat from it, you will see clearly and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” The woman saw that the tree was beautiful with delicious food and that the tree would provide wisdom, so she took some of its fruit and ate it, and also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. ~Genesis 3:1-6(CEB)

There are two trees in the garden. The Tree of Life represents a life dependent on God. The Tree of Knowledge represents a life dependent on self. Eve’s initial mistake is entering into conversation with the liar. The following mistake was reasoning with the truth.

Two lies snuck in the garden that day. One is the lie that we have to do something to be something. Remember the act of eating the fruit? The second lie that slips by us is that this performance will make us more like God. In Genesis 3:5 Satan tells the woman that by eating the fruit she will become more like God, more righteous. In her conversation with the lie she forgot the truth. In Genesis 1:27, God had already made her “in His image.”

So what does this mean? Somewhere along the way we forget that love is a gift, we begin to believe that it must be earned. God gave us the Tree of Life so that we might truly walk with him. Walking this road in life with him brings freedom. But if we choose the Tree of Knowledge aka the “tree of independence”, we are bound to ever try to earn love and acceptance. We are trapped in the lie of performance.

The fact is God already loves us. He loved us first before we ever did anything to earn that love, it already existed. Adam and Eve forgot the love they were given, in fact they wanted more. They wanted to be independent and ever since humans have been born separated from God (Rom 5:17). God has been calling to us since the garden trying to remind us that His love is here free for the taking. We don’t have to earn that love. God doesn’t want us to remain in darkness, our self-reliance. He is calling us back to Truth. He is calling us back to the Tree of Life.

Heavenly Father, I thank you for sending Jesus into the world to bring us back to the Tree of Life. Help me to fight this streak of independence that lives in me. Help me to live in the intimacy you gave us in the garden. Amen.

Out of the darkness

Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart have multiplied: free me from my anguish. ~Psalm 25:16-17 (NIV)

As many as one if four people may suffer from the disease of depression at some point in time in their life.

The news about Robin Williams has crushed my heart. I have known friends and family who have struggled with depression. There have been times that I even worried that they might take their life. With odds as high as one in four we all know people who are struggling, whether we realize or acknowledge it. Maybe you at this moment are in that dark pit.

What breaks my heart further is when someone feels that if they were just “stronger” or had “more faith” they could just pull themselves up out of the darkness. Even more painful is when they refuse to get help because it is a “sign of weakness.”

I know that the brain is a complicated organ. As I have watched family members struggle and have tried to help them seek relief, I know there is no quick fix and sometimes we have simply found a band-aide. For the moment.

Hearing about Robin Williams has stirred up panic in the very depths of me. If it has happened to him. It could happen to someone I love dearly! The news also takes me back six years ago to a pit of my own. I remember that feeling of reaching out to God to pull me out only to still be in that darkness. It took time to turn that pit into a tunnel that eventually returned me to the light. When I didn’t have hope, friends hoped for me. They believed even when I couldn’t.

The best thing you can do for someone you care about is to simply hold their hand so they know they are not alone. To hope even when they can see no hope. And sometimes to say…. “I once was so very lost, and I eventually found my way out…. ”

Heavenly Father, open my heart this day to those who might need a kind word or a hand to hold. Calm my own fears about those I love who are surrounded by darkness today. May they feel Your presence in that darkness and help them move through that darkness into Your Light. Thank You for reaching down to sit with me in my own darkness. Thank You for not leaving me alone, even though I may not have felt You, You were there. Thank You for seeing me, for knowing me and for loving me. Amen.

Leaving the past behind

The LORD said to Abram, “Leave your land, your family, and your father’s household for the land that I will show you. I will make of you a great nation and will bless you. I will make your name respected, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, those who curse you I will curse; all the families of earth will be blessed because of you.” Abram left just as the LORD told him, and Lot went with him. Now Abram was 75 years old when he left Haran. ~Genesis 12:1-4 (CEB)
Abram was asked by God to leave everything he had ever known. His family’s customs, livelihood, and close connections.  There are times that God asks of us to leave behind all that we have known before. Maybe the place in life that we are at is not good for us and God wants to take us out of the land of Ur into something better.Yes, it means leaving all we have ever known behind. Yes, it means learning new skills. Yes, it even means sometimes that we will need to leave people behind as we pursue a new life, a life of promise.God wants us to live in a land full of promise and hope. The road to the promise land may seem long. It may seem that He asks the impossible sometimes. Phil 4:13 says, “I can endure all these things through the power of the one who gives me strength.”Abram didn’t know what he was moving toward. He just knew that God had a plan, a plan for good not for harm. Sometimes we have to move forward knowing that God loves us and wants us to have a better life. He never wants harm to come to us, Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”I want faith like Abram. I want to step out in the direction that God has for me believing that what He has for me is better than what I am leaving behind.

Heavenly Father, help my faith to grow. I thank you for examples in the Bible that help me to understand Your will for my own life. I claim the promise you have for me in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Truth is…

Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there? Why then is there no healing for the wound of my people? ~Jeremiah 8:22 (NIV)

“Can we only speak when we are fully living what we are saying?  If all our words had to cover all our actions, we would be doomed to permanent silence!  Sometimes we are called to proclaim God’s love even when we are not yet fully able to live it.  Does that mean we are hypocrites?  Only when our own words no longer call us to conversion.  Nobody completely lives up to his or her own ideals and visions.  But by proclaiming our ideals and visions with great conviction and great humility, we may gradually grow into the truth we speak.  As long as we know that our lives always will speak louder than our words, we can trust that our words will remain humble.”~ Henri Nouwen, The Wounded Healer

Sometimes the words I speak are not the things I feel. Sometimes the smile on my face does not disclose the pain that lives inside. Sometimes the truth I speak is still struggling to take hold in my heart.

While I struggle with living the truths that I know, that doesn’t make them any less real. I know that I am a beloved child of God, even if I don’t always “feel” that love. Does that make me a hypocrite that I profess God’s love when I don’t always feel it myself? No I really don’t think so. I can’t always trust my feelings. I have to remember the truths I know. Gradually I grow into these truths. Slowly I move more toward the convictions I profess. With great humility I continue to spout that I am simply a human with a vision of one day completely feeling that Love that I know I already surrounds me.

“How long will you forget me, LORD? Forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long will I be left to my own wits, agony filling my heart? Daily? How long will my enemy keep defeating me? Look at me! Answer me, LORD my God! Restore sight to my eyes! Otherwise, I’ll sleep the sleep of death, and my enemy will say, “I won!” My foes will rejoice over my downfall. But I have trusted in your faithful love. My heart will rejoice in your salvation. Yes, I will sing to the LORD because he has been good to me.” ~Psalm 13 (RSV)

Heavenly Father, I ask You this day to so surround me with Your love that all question of its existence cannot survive. I know that there is a balm in Jesus Christ that will heal my sin sick soul.

Words

In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God. The Word was with God in the beginning. Everything came into being through the Word, and without the Word nothing came into being. What came into being through the Word was life, and the life was the light for all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness doesn’t extinguish the light. John 1:1-5 (CEB)

“Words are important.  Without them our actions lose meaning.  And without meaning we cannot live.   Words can offer perspective, insight, understanding, and vision.  Words can bring consolation, comfort, encouragement and hope.  Words can take away fear, isolation, shame, and guilt.  Words can reconcile, unite, forgive, and heal.  Words can bring peace and joy, inner freedom and deep gratitude.  Words, in short, can carry love on their wings.  A word of love can be the greatest act of love.  That is because when our words become flesh in our own lives and the lives of others, we can change the world.

Jesus is the word made flesh.  In him speaking and acting were one.” ~Henri Nouwen, The Wounded Healer

May the words I speak this day bear in mind the power that is in word. When my son asks for comfort may I not spout it lightly, when my daughter asks for love may it not be thrown out carelessly. This day may I take a moment and remember that once words take flight they can never be brought back, only forgiven. May my words this day bear the love I have for God to everyone I met. May my words bring light, not darkness.

Heavenly Father, through Your words everything came into being. Help me to remember the power of words. I thank You for expressions of love that we can share, I thank You that words can bring comfort, joy and peace. Guard my words in all I do this day, may they always reflect Your love. Amen.

A love of my own

Saying yes to life

But you know all about it— the contempt, the abuse. I dare to believe that the luckless will get lucky someday in you. You won’t let them down: orphans won’t be orphans forever. ~Psalm 10:14 (MSG) 

Every Fourth of July since I was very small, I have traveled to Huntington Indiana for a family reunion. My dad has three brothers and four sisters all who had large families too and most of them came every year for a celebration. At noon we would gather for a big meal. Much talk and lots of fun was had by all. The visiting would continue throughout the day into the evening. Roasting hot dogs and marshmallows, swimming in the lake, capture the flag in the dark… all memories I look back on with fondness. I could paint this picture with all the skill of a fine master painter leaving out things like mosquito bites and sunburns. I could also easily leave out of this picture that I paint that this family is not really mine.

After my parents had been married for a year, my dad adopted me. My birth father never contested it. Even though God sent me a wonderful man to be my father I still felt the sting of the rejection. The man never had a significant role in my life after he and my mother divorced but the simple act of not caring shadowed me. I have always felt that it was probably best that he was not part of my life and I have no real memories of him, but I always wondered why I was so unlovable.

I still travel to the family reunions, bringing my husband and children along. Although I have been adopted into this family for forty years now, I still feel like I am just pretending- that I don’t really belong. My head tells me that I am part of this family but my heart still remembers that once there was someone who didn’t want me. In college I went through a difficult time and was really struggling to figure out just who I was compared to what I had been told. In my own way I rebelled and hid, but one thing I just couldn’t hide from was my Bible. That semester I read Romans through and through and it brought some balm to my tender soul. I read again and again Romans chapters 8 and 9. I learned that even though there was an earthly family that didn’t love me, through Jesus Christ I was adopted into, grafted into a family that was true. In the Bible I could find a heritage that was mine to claim. Romans told me that the love God had for me would never fluctuate or die

God never leaves us were we are,   John 14:18 says, “I won’t leave you as orphans. I will come to you. (CEB)” Romans 9:8 says it “isn’t the natural children who are God’s children, but it is the children from the promise who are counted as descendants. (MSG)” Jesus said in Matthew 12:50, “Whoever does the will of my Father who is in heaven is my brother, sister, and mother.” John 1:13 says I am a child of God, “born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God. (NIV)” The Bible assures me that I am loved and wanted as part of a family. Just because those who are supposed to love us can’t doesn’t mean that God won’t send others so that He can love us through them. We can’t reject the love He sends just because someone else couldn’t or didn’t. He sends us mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers in Christ to walk with us on this journey.

Heavenly Father, I thank You for loving me. I thank You for family You send my way to ease the travels of this life. May I always be quick to show Your love to others that I meet along the way. Amen

Called to be an adventurer

I will instruct you and teach you about the direction you should go. I’ll advise you and keep my eye on you. ~Psalm 32:8 (CEB)

Life can be overwhelming. Ultimately the only thing I can control is my own life and what will happen to me. And even that is limited. The easiest thing would be to live in a guarded, safe, controlled way, to stop taking risks and to be ruled by my fears of “what might happen”. Turning inward is one way to respond to life’s uncertainties. The other is to acknowledge my lack of control and to reach up for God’s help.  Knowing that I cannot control my circumstances is important.

If life was stable, I’d never need God. Since it isn’t stable I reach out to God often. It can be difficult to be thankful for the unkowns in life. It is scary to think I have very limited control but these situations cause me to run to God. A spirit of fear can immobilize me and enforce my want of a more guarded and safe life where variables are more controlled. God does not want me to live this way. He wants me to be adventurous.

One Easter since we have no family in town my husband, son and I set out after church just to see what we could see. We had no real plan except to spend the day together. We got in the car and headed out over the Foothills parkway. We stopped at every overlook and got out to see each view of the mountains. We stopped at a stream and threw rocks into the water. Then when we made it to the other side of the parkway we decided to turn left onto hwy 129 and head toward North Carolina. Still no real plan, just not ready to head home we followed Hwy 129 through all its switches back and forth, over and around the mountains. We enjoyed the views and the beautiful day. After we crossed over the state line we were close to Fontana village and since my husband had worked there one summer while in college he thought it would be fun to look around. While we walked around we stumbled across an Easter egg hunt and my son was invited to join in.

We enjoyed exploring Fontana village. Again we found that we were not ready to call it a day. Since we would be passing Fontana dam our way back home, we thought we would check it out too. Before getting to the dam we stumbled upon Fontana Lake and took a few minutes to explore the boat dock there before continuing on to the dam. Slowly we meandered our way to the dam where we found that the views were glorious. We wandered around, walked over the dam and around the little visitor’s center.

It was a wonderful day. We had nowhere to rush off to, the weather was beautiful and we were not expecting certain things out of our day out. We just took it all as it came. I told my son who exclaimed what a great time he had had that we could never have planned that day. A day like that day just happens. A day like that cannot be controlled and still have the same enjoyment. It was the spirit of exploring that made that day special.

An adventurer never knows what treasures will be stumbled upon and those precious moments can never be planned. Although an adventure seems risky the rewards are always worthwhile. With God at my side the risks of living are never too great and I often prize those things God has done when I live my life. With my eyes on God I can have the confidence to step out on faith to see in the world what there is to see, one little treasure at a time.

Heavenly Father, grant to me this day an adventurous heart to bravely go out into the world a little out of control for You. Help me to store all the treasures I find deep in my heart to be pulled out and shared with others along the way. May I never be so self-controlled that I miss out on the joy You have in store for me. Watch closely over me and guide me in the way that I should go. I thank you for Your love. Amen.

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