Hills… and mountain tops

12 Sep 2012 Leave a comment

by jennifermcintyreblog in Devotions Tags: , , , , ,

I have fought the good fight, finished the race, and kept the faith. At last the champion’s wreath that is awarded for righteousness is waiting for me. The Lord, who is the righteous judge, is going to give it to me on that day. He’s giving it not only to me but also to all those who have set their heart on waiting for his appearance. ~2Timothy 4:7-8 (CEB)

Recently I was talking with someone about a 5K I was interested in. She told me that the route would be fast because there were not really any hills in the course that had been mapped out. This is unusual for East Tennessee! I thought, well this is good news!

Today when I was out running it occurred to me that without going up a hill there is no “down hills” to glide through on the other side. Yes running up a hill is hard work, but there is such elation when you make to the top, then you have the reward of being carried away with momentum down the other side.

I have not always felt this way about hills. When I first began to run I really dreaded those hills. I was too busy gasping for air to notice where I had been, what I had accomplished or even appreciate the fact that now I had the downside of the hill to enjoy.

As Christians we often talk about “mountain top experiences”. Those awesome moments when we just know God loves us and can feel His presence. The only way we can have these mountainous moments with God is by trekking up the mountain to be with Him.

Often I have found that the mountain top moments with God come after having gone through a really difficult time. The mountain top moment is when I realize I have not only survived the struggle but now at the top of that mountain I have clarity of where I have been and a glimpse of where I am going. On top of the mountain I can see how God has loved me through the moments up that mountain sometimes walking with me, sometimes carrying me, and sometimes dragging me.

I have decided I want hills and mountains in my path. Oh, I don’t wish hard times on myself, but growth and strength are gained by heading up those hills and mountains. Life is a full contact effort. Running circles in the valleys do not lead us to God. We must always tackle those mountains remembering at the top of each mountain, we find God.

Heavenly Father, when times get tough and I find that another mountain looms in front of me, please give me the courage and strength to tackle that uphill climb. May I not find myself running circles, avoiding the hard work or fearing injury. Instead, help me remember that at the top of that mountain I will find You! Amen.

Switches

11 Sep 2012 Leave a comment

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In the same way, the Spirit comes to help our weakness. We don’t know what we should pray, but the Spirit himself pleads our case with unexpressed groans. The one who searches hearts knows how the Spirit thinks, because he pleads for the saints, consistent with God’s will. We know that God works all things together for good for the ones who love God, for those who are called according to his purpose. We know this because God knew them in advance, and he decided in advance that they would be conformed to the image of his Son. That way his Son would be the first of many brothers and sisters. Those who God decided in advance would be conformed to his Son, he also called. Those whom he called, he also made righteous. Those whom he made righteous, he also glorified. So what are we going to say about these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He didn’t spare his own Son but gave him up for us all. Won’t he also freely give us all things with him? ~Romans 8:26-32 (CEB)

My son has been running around for 3 or 4 mornings singing his “Happy Day” song that he made up. It is sappy but his happiness makes me smile. His dance makes me laugh. I relax. I wish I could say this was his everyday song. Unfortunately there seems to be more mornings than not, that are not quite so happy. I told a friend of mine I am just riding that happy wave and enjoying his cheerfulness but if I could figure a way to bottle it I would save some of that cheerfulness for days that seem to be lacking its share of cheer. If only I knew how to flip that switch “on” for him when I wanted to.

Do you know the switch? It shows up in many forms, the running switch, the mood switch, or the healthy eating switch. When my running switch is on I am thrilled to run every day. When it is switched off I have to force myself to go out. Sometimes I don’t even quiet make it out the door. When the healthy switch is on I love rabbit food. When it is switched off junk foods of the worst kind call my name. Then there are my own moods. Some days I wake up and I feel like the sun is shining inside of me. The world sees bright before I even have stepped into it. Then there are days with no rhyme or reason that feel like a fog has rolled in deep into my soul. Every fiber of my being just seems to ache.

This is one benefit of age. Having lived through them, I know the bad moments are just for a time. Not forever. The more I pretend to be “switched on” the sooner I get back to actually feeling the way I want to feel. I think a public speaker put it this way, “Do what is right it until it feels right.” This also brings to  my mind the verse from Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

There are days that the only way I make it through is by trusting God with my whole heart. I believe that He does have a plan for me and that He is working all things for my good. Even my bad moments are used for His ultimate glory. Today though I have my son’s “Happy Day” song running through my head and I have it tucked in my heart for another moment where I find that I might need it.

Heavenly Father, I thank You for” Happy Day” songs. Bring them to mind when my spirit is down. Help me to remember to dance through the bad moments on my way to the good times knowing you dance along with me. Amen.

Made for a purpose

10 Sep 2012 Leave a comment

by jennifermcintyreblog in Devotions Tags: , , ,

 

You are the one who created my innermost parts; you knit me together while I was still in my mother’s womb. I give thanks to you that I was marvelously set apart. Your works are wonderful— I know that very well. My bones weren’t hidden from you when I was being put together in a secret place, when I was being woven together in the deep parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my embryo, and on your scroll every day was written that was being formed for me, before any one of them had yet happened. God, your plans are incomprehensible to me! ~Psalm 139:13-17 (CEB)

 

God knew me before He created me in my mother’s womb (Jer. 1:5). When God created the world and looked around to everything He had made He said it was supremely good (Gen. 1:31). God looks at me as His accomplishment, created in Christ Jesus to do good things. God planned for these good things to be the way that I live my life. (Eph. 2:10) I do not need to fear failure because God will tell me where to go and what to say (Jer. 1:7-8) In the storms of life God promises me shelter (Psalm 27:5) and when my time here on earth is done I will live in the God’s house as long as I live (Psalm 23:6).

Heavenly Father, I know that You made me for a purpose. I know that you have planned good for me and not harm. I trust you to guide my steps and to give me words to say. You are the shelter in the storms of life. When my time here on earth is done, I look forward to spending forever with you in Heaven. Amen.

Invasion of memories

09 Sep 2012 Leave a comment

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So now there isn’t any condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. The law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death. God has done what was impossible for the Law, since it was weak because of selfishness. God condemned sin in the body by sending his own Son to deal with sin in the same body as humans, who are controlled by sin. He did this so that the righteous requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us. Now the way we live is based on the Spirit, not based on selfishness. People whose lives are based on selfishness think about selfish things, but people whose lives are based on the Spirit think about things that are related to the Spirit. The attitude that comes from selfishness leads to death, but the attitude that comes from the Spirit leads to life and peace. So the attitude that comes from selfishness is hostile to God. It doesn’t submit to God’s Law, because it can’t. People who are self-centered aren’t able to please God. But you aren’t self-centered. Instead you are in the Spirit, if in fact God’s Spirit lives in you. If anyone doesn’t have the Spirit of Christ, they don’t belong to him. If Christ is in you, the Spirit is your life because of God’s righteousness, but the body is dead because of sin.  If the Spirit of the one who raised Jesus from the dead lives in you, the one who raised Christ from the dead will give life to your human bodies also, through his Spirit that lives in you. ~Romans 8:1-11

“It may sound paradoxical, but no man is condemned for anything he has done; he is condemned for continuing to do wrong. He is condemned for not coming out of the darkness, for not coming to the light, the living God, who sent the light, His Son, into the world to guide him home.” ~From Creation in Christ, by George Macdonald

“Condemnation is a heavy burden to bear. No matter the source of the condemnation and no matter the reason, condemnation crushes the life out of us all when given the opportunity. Many of us live our lives condemned because we have been unable or unwilling to permit that burden to be removed. Sometimes the condemnation is self-imposed, and we just cannot forgive ourselves for what seems to be, in our own estimation, some great failure. Sometimes the condemnation comes from outside ourselves for failures in the eyes of others. Whether these failures are relatively insignificant or enormous, the burden of condemnation is hard to bear. Therefore the words of Jesus- “Neither do I condemn you. Go your way, and from now on do not sin again” (John 8:11)- are music to our ears. To know that we do not need to carry the failures of the past into the future is good news indeed. Jesus came not to condemn the world but to save the world (John 3:17). The good news for all of us declares that the chains binding us to past failures can be broken; we can be set free to live all our tomorrows without condemnation.

Stop and think for a moment about all those memories that keep invading your consciousness to convince you that you are condemned. And then remember these words of the New Testament; “Who is to condemn? It is Christ Jesus, who died, yes, who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who indeed intercedes for us” (Rom 8:34). There is no condemnation for those who walk with Christ.~Rueben P. Job, A Guide to Prayer for all Who Seek God

All my crushing moments I give to You today O Lord. The memories, the shame, the self-destruction I give to You. No longer do I want to lug around these burdens. I want to come out into the light, please scatter all my shadows. Amen.

Redefinition

07 Sep 2012 Leave a comment

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Simon Peter told them, “I’m going fishing.” They said, “We’ll go with you”. They set out in a boat, but throughout the night they caught nothing. Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples didn’t realize it was Jesus. Jesus called to them, “Children, have you caught anything to eat?” They answered him, “No.” He said, “Cast your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” So they did, and there were so many fish that they couldn’t haul in the net. Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It’s the Lord!” When Simon Peter heard it was the Lord, he wrapped his coat around himself (for he was naked) and jumped into the water. The other disciples followed in the boat, dragging the net full of fish, for they weren’t far from shore, only about one hundred yards. When they landed, they saw a fire there, with fish on it, and some bread. Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish that you’ve just caught.” Simon Peter got up and pulled the net to shore. It was full of large fish, one hundred fifty-three of them. Yet the net hadn’t torn, even with so many fish. Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” None of the disciples could bring themselves to ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord. Jesus came, took the bread, and gave it to them. He did the same with the fish. ~John 21:3-13 (CEB)

For three years Peter spent his time with Jesus. He was even one of his most sacred, hand-picked inner circle. He was not just a disciple but a friend. But in one moment he goes from over reacting and attacking a guard  in his anger to denying Jesus three times in panic. To fall so far.In Peters confusion he returns to his old way of living.  Its not that his past life was wrong, it’s that he forgot the truths that he had learned at Jesus feet. Peter had gone to a dark, unwelcoming place.  Jesus was crucified before he had a chance to reconcile.  No opportunity to right the wrong. No space for an explanation. With  his confidence shattered he goes back to the life he had had before.

The night of fishing lacked it’s previous satisfaction, but the dawn of a new day brings with it new mercies. The man who should be dead stands on the shore. After asking about their success from the night’s fishing and telling them to cast their nets on the other side John turns to Peter saying,  “It’s the Lord.” Peter, the one who had failed Jesus the most can’t wait for the boat to reach the shore. He jumps in and starts swimming.

I too find myself at times confused as to what Christ has called me to do. In my panic I find myself in old habits. In my anxieties I find myself returning to my old way of life. When I find myself where I don’t want to be I remember what Jesus told Peter before all this took place. “You will be sifted, when you return to me help your brothers. When you find your way again share the good news.” Jesus came looking for Peter in his old way of life,  not to  ask why or tell him he must earn his favor back, but to remind Peter who he was.

My failures do not define me. In Christ, my failures can redefine me. Jesus comes looking for me and calls me to a greater task. Fear can no longer define me.  Love must prevail.

I am thankful Lord that when I find myself fishing again, you come to the shore to find me. Thank you for always seeking me out to remind me who I am. Amen.

Today, I run

06 Sep 2012 Leave a comment

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If I did want to brag, I wouldn’t make a fool of myself because I’d tell the truth. I’m holding back from bragging so that no one will give me any more credit than what anyone sees or hears about me. I was given a thorn in my body because of the outstanding revelations I’ve received so that I wouldn’t be conceited. It’s a messenger from Satan sent to torment me so that I wouldn’t be conceited. I pleaded with the Lord three times for it to leave me alone. He said to me, “My grace is enough for you, because power is made perfect in weakness.” So I’ll gladly spend my time bragging about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power can rest on me. Therefore, I’m all right with weaknesses, insults, disasters, harassments, and stressful situations for the sake of Christ, because when I’m weak, then I’m strong. ~2 Cor 12:6-10 (CEB)

When I was eight a tumor was found on my leg. You know how it is, one moment you are going about your normal everyday life, the next you don’t recognize your life anymore. Even though it was determined that the tumor was not cancerous we were still left with a frightening unknown. The doctors couldn’t remove it without injuring my leg. They determined the least harm was to allow it to remain since it was non-cancerous and to reevaluate the situation after I had stopped growing. But we had to always watch and if it changed in any way they would reevaluate the situation sooner.

So I was sent home to live my life. I remember standing in the hall in school wondering how noticeable this bump on my leg was to everyone around me. Even into my teen years I still prayed for the tumor to “magically” disappear. In the evenings when the 700 club would come on and prayers were said for healing I couldn’t help but hold my breath that I just might be healed too. I struggled between guilt about wishing the tumor away and trying to be thankful that I was really okay despite my  feelings. The fear of the tumor “mysteriously changing” into something bad haunted my dreams.

As a result of the tumor, my leg did pain me from time to time and my parents didn’t push me towards activities that greatly strained my leg. Looking back I almost feel that I was discouraged from doing anything that might stress my leg. We had been conditioned to baby it. Although I have always been active there was the underlying fear of injuring that leg.

I lived my life like that for 30 years, always with the shadow of this lump on my leg changing into something frightening but trying to be thankful that I didn’t have cancer. I couldn’t help praying from time to time for the tumor to just go away. What do you do with heartfelt unanswered prayers? Personally I kept putting the issue back on the shelf since I had no answers then taking it back down again from time to time. Then one day something strange happened. I developed this unexplainable desire to run.

For two years I tried to be happy with just hiking and biking and long walks, but the desire to run would not leave. Finally I decided I would actually join a running club and just see how things went. By that May I participated in my first 5K. I felt so elated when I crossed that finish line. First that I didn’t embarrass myself by collapsing but also that I had actually managed to do what I thought I would never be able to do. Run.

I often think of Paul in the Bible. His words often speak straight to my heart. This tumor was just one of many thorns that God has not removed from my life.  In the 18 months that I have run there have been so many life lessons I have learned. First it was struggling through those beginning miles about endurance and determination and that it is still okay to have dreams and go after them. I have learned that life is so much like running. There is pain. You have to learn what to work through and what to avoid. I have learned that sometimes it is frightening and overwhelming, but the rewards in the end are great. God did not remove this tumor, though I was faithful in prayer. He chose to show me through this tumor that with Him, I could conquer a long ingrained fear. His grace really is enough.

I don’t take for granted that I will always be able to run. With each run I am ever aware that it might be my last. But that last is not today. Today, I run.

Heavenly Father, I stand amazed at grace. Instead of removing a deeply ingrained fear, You choose to help me work through it enabling me to be able to dream bigger. I thank You for Your plans for me to prosper. I thank You for giving me hope and a future. Amen.

Transformation

05 Sep 2012 Leave a comment

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“So then, from this point on we won’t recognize people by human standards. Even though we used to know Christ by human standards, that isn’t how we know him now. So then, if anyone is in Christ, that person is part of the new creation. The old things have gone away, and look, new things have arrived!  All of these new things are from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and who gave us the ministry of reconciliation. In other words, God was reconciling the world to himself through Christ, by not counting people’s sins against them. He has trusted us with this message of reconciliation. So we are ambassadors who represent Christ. God is negotiating with you through us. We beg you as Christ’s representatives, “Be reconciled to God!” God caused the one who didn’t know sin to be sin for our sake so that through him we could become the righteousness of God.” ~Cor 15:16-21 (CEB)

“Thomas Merton insists that there is no union with God without transformation. Paradoxically, the person who has struggled with personal transformation and become psychologically stronger is the person who can be empty and receptive before God. It is the prepared personality that is less resistant to God’s love. This vulnerability is an act of strength, since we no longer need to hold tightly to a false self that protects us from our inner pain and fears. We are free at last. We can surrender to God, who is everywhere and always present, and can actively respond as the occasion requires. We have the ease to rest in God in whom we have been found.” ~From “Participating in the New Creation” by Mary Conrow Coelho in The Weavings Reader

Heavenly Father, may I this day be an empty vessel receptive to Your love. May I find myself vulnerable to you so that I may find freedom and rest. Amen.

Falling

24 Aug 2012 Leave a comment

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I assure you that unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it can only be a single seed. But if it dies, it bears much fruit. Those who love their lives will lose them, and those who hate their lives in this world will keep them forever. ~John 12:24-25

In John 12:24, Jesus says that unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains alone and useless. There is a promise of life inside the shell but when life is held closely in control it cannot flourish. We assume letting go is a sign of weakness. We cannot see the promise waiting to get out. Only when we get to the point where we are ready to surrender and give up the try-hard life can we begin to find true life.

As long as we try to hold onto our self-sufficiency we are living a less-than life. Although Jesus accepts us as we are he never wants to leave us where he finds us. He knows what self-sufficiency does to our soul. It slowly eats away at it bit by bit. Jesus likes to bring us to the edge of our self-sufficiency and urges us to fall down to the ground in surrender. There on the ground can the kernel of wheat soak in the life sustaining water to soften the outer-shell.  As the shell softens it breaks and light and nutrients find their way in to the heart causing new life bursts forth.

For a long time the meaning of these verses remained just beyond my understanding. I would read this scripture and almost understand, but I was not ready to give up my self-sufficiency. It was too frightening. Dying in any form is not very appealing. Besides I had relied on myself for a very long time.

Only when I felt that I no longer was capable of controlling my life that I let go and let God take over the control. I realized I couldn’t, that only God could and finally one day I decided that I would begin to let Him.  There is freedom and life in the letting. When I found that I didn’t have to be so tough I found light begin to fill my heart; with light came hope; and with hope came a new life, one where I had true freedom to be me.

Heavenly Father, I thank You for Your complete acceptance. I thank You for never leaving me the way You have found me, always pushing me to be more. I thank You for pushing me out of worshiping self so that I could truly understand who I really am as Your beloved child. I thank You for the freedom I have through You. Amen.

Signs and wonders

22 Aug 2012 Leave a comment

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If you happen to think to yourself,” These nations are greater than we are; how can we possibly possess their land?” don’t be afraid of them! Remember, instead, what the LORD your God did to Pharaoh and all Egypt: the great trials that you saw with your own eyes, the signs and wonders, and the strong hand and outstretched arm the LORD your God used to rescue you. That’s what the LORD your God will do to any people you fear. The LORD your God will send terror on them until even the survivors and those hiding from you are destroyed. Don’t dread these nations because the LORD your God, the great and awesome God, is with you and among you. ~Deut.7:17-21 (CEB)

These versed jumped out at me three years ago after a particularly trying time. I was in the game of worrying about how I was going to fix everything and had myself convinced once again that I just needed to try-harder. I felt that God was telling me that even though I felt the problems I was dealing with were bigger than me I was not to be afraid of them. Instead I was to think back to times where God had done signs and wonders in my life. I was to think of the times He had rescued me from storms where his strong arm had plucked me out of the drowning waters. I was not to fear the trials I was going through. When I read these verses instead of seeing this as a story about the Israelites I saw myself in these verses and I knew God would fight my battle!

Despite the wonders God has done in my life, despite the signs He has sent me to convince me of His love for me I still find that I keep slipping back behind the mask of trying-hard. I am not meant to fight these battles alone. The story was never meant to be “By Jennifer’s mighty strength the battle was won.” No the story was always been, “See what the good Lord has done in Jennifer’s life? See the wonders! Look at these signs in her life and know that the Lord is good, that He will do for you what He has done for her.”

Heavenly Father, Thank You for always reminding me who is really winning the battles. I thank You that I don’t have to be strong enough, smart enough or patient enough. I thank You that You are. May Your love sustain me through this day through battles big and small. May I always give You the glory. Amen.

Forgiveness

12 Aug 2012 Leave a comment

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Then Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, how many times should I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Should I forgive as many as seven times?” Jesus said, “Not just seven times, but rather as many as seventy- seven times. -Matthew 18:22-23 (CEB)

 

“Community is not possible with out the willingness to forgive one another”seventy times seven”. Forgiveness is the cement of community life.  Forgiveness holds us together through good times and bad times, and allows us to grow in mutual love…

To forgive a person from the heart is an act of liberation. We set that person free from the negative bonds that exist between us. We say, “I no longer hold your offense against you.” But there is more. Were also free ourselves from the burden of being the”offended one.” As long as we do not forgive those who have wounded us, we carry them with us or, pull them as a heavy load. The great temptation is to cling in anger to our enemies and then define ourselves as being offended and wounded by them. Forgiveness, therefore, liberates not only the other but also ourselves. It is the way to the freedom of the children of God.” -From Bread for the Journey,  by Henri Nouwen

Forgiveness may be the number one reason that keeps us from living free. It is hard to extend forgiveness to those who have failed us. Especially when they have failed us again, and again… and again. Sometimes I find myself asking,  “God,  just how often should I forgive?” His reply is, “Every time.”

I know forgiveness sets me free.  But this is one area I seem to struggle with on a regular basis especially when it deals with something I want changed and promises have been made and changes don’t come… or come as soon as I would like. But in the quiet of the night, when I am receptive again to God’s voice, I hear whispered in my ear, “Every time.”

Heavenly Father, I thank you for the countless times You have forgiven me. Give me the strength today to forgive again and every time. Amen.

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