Hills… and mountain tops

12 Sep 2012 Leave a comment

by jennifermcintyreblog in Devotions Tags: , , , , ,

I have fought the good fight, finished the race, and kept the faith. At last the champion’s wreath that is awarded for righteousness is waiting for me. The Lord, who is the righteous judge, is going to give it to me on that day. He’s giving it not only to me but also to all those who have set their heart on waiting for his appearance. ~2Timothy 4:7-8 (CEB)

Recently I was talking with someone about a 5K I was interested in. She told me that the route would be fast because there were not really any hills in the course that had been mapped out. This is unusual for East Tennessee! I thought, well this is good news!

Today when I was out running it occurred to me that without going up a hill there is no “down hills” to glide through on the other side. Yes running up a hill is hard work, but there is such elation when you make to the top, then you have the reward of being carried away with momentum down the other side.

I have not always felt this way about hills. When I first began to run I really dreaded those hills. I was too busy gasping for air to notice where I had been, what I had accomplished or even appreciate the fact that now I had the downside of the hill to enjoy.

As Christians we often talk about “mountain top experiences”. Those awesome moments when we just know God loves us and can feel His presence. The only way we can have these mountainous moments with God is by trekking up the mountain to be with Him.

Often I have found that the mountain top moments with God come after having gone through a really difficult time. The mountain top moment is when I realize I have not only survived the struggle but now at the top of that mountain I have clarity of where I have been and a glimpse of where I am going. On top of the mountain I can see how God has loved me through the moments up that mountain sometimes walking with me, sometimes carrying me, and sometimes dragging me.

I have decided I want hills and mountains in my path. Oh, I don’t wish hard times on myself, but growth and strength are gained by heading up those hills and mountains. Life is a full contact effort. Running circles in the valleys do not lead us to God. We must always tackle those mountains remembering at the top of each mountain, we find God.

Heavenly Father, when times get tough and I find that another mountain looms in front of me, please give me the courage and strength to tackle that uphill climb. May I not find myself running circles, avoiding the hard work or fearing injury. Instead, help me remember that at the top of that mountain I will find You! Amen.

Redefinition

07 Sep 2012 Leave a comment

by jennifermcintyreblog in Devotions Tags: , , , ,

Simon Peter told them, “I’m going fishing.” They said, “We’ll go with you”. They set out in a boat, but throughout the night they caught nothing. Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples didn’t realize it was Jesus. Jesus called to them, “Children, have you caught anything to eat?” They answered him, “No.” He said, “Cast your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” So they did, and there were so many fish that they couldn’t haul in the net. Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It’s the Lord!” When Simon Peter heard it was the Lord, he wrapped his coat around himself (for he was naked) and jumped into the water. The other disciples followed in the boat, dragging the net full of fish, for they weren’t far from shore, only about one hundred yards. When they landed, they saw a fire there, with fish on it, and some bread. Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish that you’ve just caught.” Simon Peter got up and pulled the net to shore. It was full of large fish, one hundred fifty-three of them. Yet the net hadn’t torn, even with so many fish. Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” None of the disciples could bring themselves to ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord. Jesus came, took the bread, and gave it to them. He did the same with the fish. ~John 21:3-13 (CEB)

For three years Peter spent his time with Jesus. He was even one of his most sacred, hand-picked inner circle. He was not just a disciple but a friend. But in one moment he goes from over reacting and attacking a guard  in his anger to denying Jesus three times in panic. To fall so far.In Peters confusion he returns to his old way of living.  Its not that his past life was wrong, it’s that he forgot the truths that he had learned at Jesus feet. Peter had gone to a dark, unwelcoming place.  Jesus was crucified before he had a chance to reconcile.  No opportunity to right the wrong. No space for an explanation. With  his confidence shattered he goes back to the life he had had before.

The night of fishing lacked it’s previous satisfaction, but the dawn of a new day brings with it new mercies. The man who should be dead stands on the shore. After asking about their success from the night’s fishing and telling them to cast their nets on the other side John turns to Peter saying,  “It’s the Lord.” Peter, the one who had failed Jesus the most can’t wait for the boat to reach the shore. He jumps in and starts swimming.

I too find myself at times confused as to what Christ has called me to do. In my panic I find myself in old habits. In my anxieties I find myself returning to my old way of life. When I find myself where I don’t want to be I remember what Jesus told Peter before all this took place. “You will be sifted, when you return to me help your brothers. When you find your way again share the good news.” Jesus came looking for Peter in his old way of life,  not to  ask why or tell him he must earn his favor back, but to remind Peter who he was.

My failures do not define me. In Christ, my failures can redefine me. Jesus comes looking for me and calls me to a greater task. Fear can no longer define me.  Love must prevail.

I am thankful Lord that when I find myself fishing again, you come to the shore to find me. Thank you for always seeking me out to remind me who I am. Amen.

Today, I run

06 Sep 2012 Leave a comment

by jennifermcintyreblog in Devotions Tags: , , , ,

If I did want to brag, I wouldn’t make a fool of myself because I’d tell the truth. I’m holding back from bragging so that no one will give me any more credit than what anyone sees or hears about me. I was given a thorn in my body because of the outstanding revelations I’ve received so that I wouldn’t be conceited. It’s a messenger from Satan sent to torment me so that I wouldn’t be conceited. I pleaded with the Lord three times for it to leave me alone. He said to me, “My grace is enough for you, because power is made perfect in weakness.” So I’ll gladly spend my time bragging about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power can rest on me. Therefore, I’m all right with weaknesses, insults, disasters, harassments, and stressful situations for the sake of Christ, because when I’m weak, then I’m strong. ~2 Cor 12:6-10 (CEB)

When I was eight a tumor was found on my leg. You know how it is, one moment you are going about your normal everyday life, the next you don’t recognize your life anymore. Even though it was determined that the tumor was not cancerous we were still left with a frightening unknown. The doctors couldn’t remove it without injuring my leg. They determined the least harm was to allow it to remain since it was non-cancerous and to reevaluate the situation after I had stopped growing. But we had to always watch and if it changed in any way they would reevaluate the situation sooner.

So I was sent home to live my life. I remember standing in the hall in school wondering how noticeable this bump on my leg was to everyone around me. Even into my teen years I still prayed for the tumor to “magically” disappear. In the evenings when the 700 club would come on and prayers were said for healing I couldn’t help but hold my breath that I just might be healed too. I struggled between guilt about wishing the tumor away and trying to be thankful that I was really okay despite my  feelings. The fear of the tumor “mysteriously changing” into something bad haunted my dreams.

As a result of the tumor, my leg did pain me from time to time and my parents didn’t push me towards activities that greatly strained my leg. Looking back I almost feel that I was discouraged from doing anything that might stress my leg. We had been conditioned to baby it. Although I have always been active there was the underlying fear of injuring that leg.

I lived my life like that for 30 years, always with the shadow of this lump on my leg changing into something frightening but trying to be thankful that I didn’t have cancer. I couldn’t help praying from time to time for the tumor to just go away. What do you do with heartfelt unanswered prayers? Personally I kept putting the issue back on the shelf since I had no answers then taking it back down again from time to time. Then one day something strange happened. I developed this unexplainable desire to run.

For two years I tried to be happy with just hiking and biking and long walks, but the desire to run would not leave. Finally I decided I would actually join a running club and just see how things went. By that May I participated in my first 5K. I felt so elated when I crossed that finish line. First that I didn’t embarrass myself by collapsing but also that I had actually managed to do what I thought I would never be able to do. Run.

I often think of Paul in the Bible. His words often speak straight to my heart. This tumor was just one of many thorns that God has not removed from my life.  In the 18 months that I have run there have been so many life lessons I have learned. First it was struggling through those beginning miles about endurance and determination and that it is still okay to have dreams and go after them. I have learned that life is so much like running. There is pain. You have to learn what to work through and what to avoid. I have learned that sometimes it is frightening and overwhelming, but the rewards in the end are great. God did not remove this tumor, though I was faithful in prayer. He chose to show me through this tumor that with Him, I could conquer a long ingrained fear. His grace really is enough.

I don’t take for granted that I will always be able to run. With each run I am ever aware that it might be my last. But that last is not today. Today, I run.

Heavenly Father, I stand amazed at grace. Instead of removing a deeply ingrained fear, You choose to help me work through it enabling me to be able to dream bigger. I thank You for Your plans for me to prosper. I thank You for giving me hope and a future. Amen.

Change

20 Aug 2012 Leave a comment

by jennifermcintyreblog in Devotions Tags: , , , ,

There’s a season for everything and a time for every matter under the heavens: a time for giving birth and a time for dying, a time for planting and a time for uprooting what was planted, a time for killing and a time for healing, a time for tearing down and a time for building up, a time for crying and a time for laughing, a time for mourning and a time for dancing, a time for throwing stones and a time for gathering stones, a time for embracing and a time for avoiding embraces, a time for searching and a time for losing, a time for keeping and a time for throwing away, a time for tearing and a time for repairing, a time for keeping silent and a time for speaking,  a time for loving and a time for hating, a time for war and a time for peace. ~Ec c 3:1-8 (CEB)

Change, we have a love hate relationship. There are times I long for change, other times that I dread change.

Today will be our first day back to school. Starting school back is both a return to a certain structure and also a new beginning. As I contemplate this first day of our new school year I can’t help but wonder at the other changes on my horizon. I both anticipate and fear them at the same time. One part of me wants things to freeze in time; the other part of me is excited at the possibilities and long for them to hurry up.

But today I will concentrate on this season: the season for new books, and snuggles while reading, a time for teaching, a time for correcting. With this season I hope to remember to stay present in the moment not looking forward or back. The seasons, they are changing but here in this moment I will love and laugh and appreciate the now. I will remember to love and to smile. I will not let the fears of change threaten the excitement that newness holds.

Heavenly Father, I thank You for all seasons. Walk with us this day as we embark a new season of life. Guide our steps, help us remember to love and to laugh among the serious moments.

The well

10 Aug 2012 Leave a comment

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The woman said, “I know that the Messiah is coming, the one who is called the Christ. When he comes, he will teach everything to us.”  Jesus said to her, “I Am—the one who speaks with you.” … The woman put down her water jar and went into the city. She said to the people, “Come and see a man who has told me everything I’ve done! Could this man be the Christ?” They left the city and were on their way to see Jesus. ~John 4:25-30 (CEB)

What was the woman at the well needing? Healing, love, closure. What was it that Jesus was offering her at the well? Real love.  Not temporary, momentary love, but deep lasting love that could satisfy her for all time. She had tried to heal her broken heart, one messed up relationship at a time. Jesus gets right to the heart of the matter. “Where have you been looking for love?” In all the wrong places.

There is no condemnation in Jesus’ questions. Without addressing the hard questions healing cannot happen. “Come to me “, is his reply, “I can give you that true love you long for. Come to me and you will never be hungry or thirsty again. Come to me and I will heal your broken heart.” No matter what we are broken from aren’t these words that need to be heard?

What was the response the woman had to Jesus’ words? She immediately went to tell others what she had found. She wanted to share the good news. She went back to the same people who had probably been critical of her situation. The same people who probably didn’t know that underneath the behavior was deep pain. The woman at the well had found healing, closure and a new life. She was unable to contain the news. It bubbled up from her.

When we look to heal our brokenness on our own or through someone else, we find ourselves going again and again to the wrong places. There is only one Source. When healing is found and joy is complete we find we can’t keep this miracle to our self.  Good news must be shared even to the ones who never understood our pain.

Heavenly father, I thank You for giving me a real love that touches the depth of my soul. I thank You that healing can happen when I take the time to ask the tough questions. Amen.

Eight hours away

08 Aug 2012 Leave a comment

by jennifermcintyreblog in Devotions Tags: ,

My heart pounds in my chest because death’s terrors have reached me. Fear and trembling have come upon me; I’m shaking all over. I say to myself, I wish I had wings like a dove! I’d fly away and rest. ~Psalm 55:4-6 (CEB)

My heart today is eight hours away with my father. I feel like my spirit has flown away leaving behind this shell of a body. I wander around the house aimlessly, picking things up and then wondering why it is in my hand. I might seem to look at you but my eyes see right through you.

My mind keeps going back to a year ago. It was unexpected then. I was going about everyday life. Then a call. Fear. Worry. I was afraid to hope. To think. To feel.

There was a time I thought my dad could and would move mountains. I thought he would always be able to find me when I got lost. All I would have to do was call. Then I found out that nothing is forever here on earth. Eventually even the mountains crumble into the sea.

Today, my father is 8 hours away. He’s back in the hospital. This time there is hope. A pacemaker to nudge his heart. This time still finds me wishing I was not…. eight hours away. Oh that I had wings like a bird and could soar. I could be there in a moment and see with my eyes if he is okay. I could put this fear to rest.

I know that no matter what God has my father in His hands. Here on earth or up in Heaven I know my father will be okay…

But still my mind wanders and I wonder why I am standing here… what was I headed to do? I can’t seem to think with my heart… eight hours away.

Heavenly Father, I know You love my father even more than I do. Please calm my trembling hands, focus my mind on the things that still must be done. Take care of my heart while it wanders today. Amen.

Moods

07 Aug 2012 Leave a comment

by jennifermcintyreblog in Devotions Tags: , , , , , ,

But now thus says the Lord,

He who created you, O Jacob,

He who formed you, O Israel:

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

I have called you by name,

you are mine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

and through the rivers, they shall not

overwhelm you;

when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned,

and the flame shall not consume you.

For I am the Lord your God,

The Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

I give Egypt as your ransom,

Ethiopia and Seba in exchange for you.

~Isa. 43:1-3 (NRSV)

 

It is so easy to let my moods hold power over me. Sometimes it just sneaks up behind me and grabs on tightly. I struggle for patience. Soon I am snapping at those closest to me.

“Are we condemned to be passive victims of our moods?  Must we simply say:  ‘I feel great today’ or ‘I feel awful today,’ and require others to live with our moods?

Although it is very hard to control our moods, we can gradually overcome them by living a well-disciplined spiritual life.  This can prevent us from acting out of our moods.  We might not “feel” like getting up in the morning because we “feel” that life is not worth living, that nobody loves us, and that our work is boring.  But if we get up anyhow, to spend some time reading the Gospels, praying the Psalms, and thanking God for a new day, our moods may lose their power over  us.” ~Bread for the Journey, by Henri Nouwen.

Reading God’s Word reminds me who walks through the storms with me. He will not let me be overwhelmed. When I am in the midst of fire, He will not let me be burned. God knows my name. He formed me and created me. My moods have no true power. They do not have to define my day. “For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, ‘Do not fear, I will help you.’” (Isa, 41:13)

Heavenly Father, I thank You for this new day you have given me. I thank You for the house I live in, the food I have in my cabinets, and the love of family and friends. I thank You for Your Word from which I can draw strength to face the day. I thank You also for the reminder that my mood does not have to hold power over me. Amen.

Not who I am

04 Aug 2012 Leave a comment

by jennifermcintyreblog in Devotions Tags: , , , , , , ,

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

~Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

One hard lesson that has been a long time coming is that I am not who I feel I am. If I felt bad then I must be bad. That the panic I feel inside must mean that something is wrong. The hard lesson learned is that you can’t always trust how you feel.

A dear friend of mine is moving. She expressed how overwhelming packing feels. It feels that it is more than she can do. When talking about packing up her stuff she said that even though she felt like running to bed and pulling up the covers she knew that she had to do something even a little bit. Once she got started she found it got easier. If she listened to how she felt and believed her feelings were reality, she wouldn’t have gotten anything done.

I like the way Henri Nouwen talks about feelings not defining who we are in his book, Bread for the Journey, “Our emotional lives move up and down constantly.  Sometimes we experience great mood swings: from excitement to depression, from joy to sorrow, from inner harmony to inner chaos.  A little event, a word from someone, a disappointment in work, many things can trigger such mood swings.  Mostly we have little control over these changes.  It seems that they happen to us rather than being created by us.

Thus it is important to know that our emotional life is not the same as our spiritual life.  Our spiritual life is the life of the Spirit of God within us.  As we feel our emotions shift we must connect our spirits with the Spirit of God and remind ourselves that what we feel is not who we are.  We are and remain, whatever our moods, God’s beloved children.”

Another good friend of mind says we are taught to trust our feelings but some days it isn’t so simple because we don’t seem to be thinking clearly, too much is coming at us or depression has set in. What do we do in these times we can’t trust what we feel? In Philippians 4:18 it says “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”

On days I can’t think clearly, I try to set my mind on things that I do know to be true. I know that God loves me and that I am a beloved child of God. Not everyone knows this and I count myself lucky to know this truth. I think on good, lovely admirable things that I know; those things I have stored in my heart for such a moment as this and I keep moving one step at a time. Like my friend who is overwhelmed with packing, each step I continue to take I seem to move away from the confusion.

Heavenly Father, I thank You for the good moments in life that are stored in my heart like a picture album. I thank You for the truth that I am Your child and that I am so loved by You. I thank You that Your Word is planted in me so that when I need words of comfort they surface. I thank You for the Holy Spirit that lives in me, prodding me towards the things that are true, honorable, right, pure, lovely and admirable. Amen.

Sighs too deep for words

24 Jul 2012 Leave a comment

by jennifermcintyreblog in Devotions Tags: , , , ,

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words. And God, who searches the heart, knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. ~Rom 8: 26-27 (NRSV)

 

Have you ever found yourself in a place where words just seem too insignificant for what you are feeling?

When I know I should pray, but the words won’t come, when I want to cry out to God but all that surfaces is this welling up from inside of me, I am confident that God even knows these prayers. The comfort I receive in my darkest hours is knowing that even though I may not know how to pray, the Spirit- God’s Spirit will pray for me. In my weakness; God himself prays for me.

On the days when fear raises its ugly head, when life doesn’t go the way I planned, when I think I am alone in my struggles, I take a deep *sigh* and I am reminded that God’s Spirit is deep within me sighing too. Saying what I can’t. In my sigh I lift up my eyes and say “You know my heart God. You know when I lie down and when I get up. You know that I don’t have strength for this day.” My hands are not lifted because I give up. My hands are lifted because I surrender to the One who knows all my tomorrows and has my best interest in mind.

Romans 8:24-25 says, “We were saved in hope. If we see what we hope for, that isn’t hope. Who hopes for what they already see? But if we hope for what we don’t see, we wait for it with patience.” Because of my hope I looked upward. My hope saves me. I hope for what isn’t right now. I hope for the possibilities of what might be. Against all hope I wait patiently… and when I can’t hope anymore the Spirit prays for me.

When I am weak I am strong because it is God’s strength that works in me (2 Cor. 12:10). When I don’t have the strength or enough hope to lift up a prayer His Spirit prays my prayer.

So I sigh again Lord. Every breath I breathe is from You. Your breath flows through me. You sustain me. You shield me. You love me like no one else can. I know You hold me in Your hands. My hope is in You. Amen. 

Living hurts

23 Jul 2012 Leave a comment

by jennifermcintyreblog in Devotions Tags: , , , , ,

The Lord God’s spirit is upon me,

because the Lord has anointed me.
He has sent me
to bring good news to the poor,
to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim release for captives,
and liberation for prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and a day of vindication for our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
to provide for Zion’s mourners,
to give them a crown in place of ashes,
oil of joy in place of mourning,
a mantle of praise in place of discouragement.
They will be called Oaks of Righteousness,
planted by the Lord to glorify himself.
 They will rebuild the ancient ruins;
they will restore formerly deserted places;
they will renew ruined cities,
places deserted in generations past. ~ Isaiah 61:1-4 (CEB)

Let’s face it, living hurts. No matter how carefully we try to move through this life, even the most careful person WILL GET HURT. If you think you are the only person who has ever been hurt look carefully in the eyes of the people you meet and you can see that there under the surface they hurt too. Oh, the pain that has been inflicted on them may be from a different source or go by a different name but everyone has experienced hurt.

We don’t have to stay in our pain. God wants to move us to a new place. He has a promise of a better life for each one of us. Henri J. M. Nouwen in his book, Bread for the Journey says this, “Nobody escapes being wounded.  We all are wounded people, whether physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually.   The main question is not ‘How can we hide our wounds?’ so we don’t have to be embarrassed, but ‘How can we put our woundedness in the service of others?’  When our wounds cease to be a source of shame, and become a source of healing, we have become wounded healers.

Jesus is God’s wounded healer: through his wounds we are healed.  Jesus’ suffering and death brought joy and life.  His humiliation brought glory; his rejection brought a community of love.  As followers of Jesus we can also allow our wounds to bring healing to others.”

Now it is not our first instinct to go out sharing our hurts with other people. Our first instinct when we have been hurt is to hide what has happened. Our initial smiles despite the pain become a permanent mask instead of a temporary shield to get us through the moment. Before we know it we stop searching for understanding, our pain becomes a prison and we are bound and chained to what we do not want to be. It is what we” know” and so we hold onto those chains as tightly as they hold onto us.

“The beautiful thing is we don’t have to stay in our chains, we don’t have to live behind masks and we don’t have to pretend to be strong. We can have real life. “We have a God who knows what it is to sacrifice. Christ became weak and vulnerable, releasing his right to be strong. He was exposed, releasing his right to hide. He was disrespected, releasing his right to a good reputation. He forgave, releasing the right to take offense. He was rejected, humbled, and emptied. He gave up his life in order to give it to you.

When you let go of those things you have let define you all your life, you will not be left with nothing. The story of redemption and healing is that Jesus came to exchange my not-good-enough with his better-than-I-ever-could-imagine. He came to trade my life for his, my weak for his strong, my ashes for his beauty.” (Grace for the Good Girl, by Emily P. Freeman)

Being defined by my hurts is not really living. Taking down my mask and finding my definition though Christ gives me a freedom to be me. When it is safe to be me I am able to lift my head up and look into the eyes around me and I find that I am not as alone as I once thought.

Heavenly Father, Thank You for sending Christ into the world so that through his sacrifice I can find peace and joy. Thank you for making it safe to be me, for bringing me out of the darkness and into Your light of Truth. Amen.

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