Drawn out and loved unconditionally

What then are we to say about these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not withhold his own Son, but gave him up for all of us, will he not with him also give us everything else? Who will bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? It is Christ Jesus, who died, yes, who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who indeed intercedes for us. Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will hardship, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all day long; we are accounted as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate. ~Romans 8:31-39 (CEB)

I have been reading in Deuteronomy the last couple of days. Deuteronomy can get bogged down with details and repetitions sometimes, but if I fade out too much I can overlook some powerful scriptures. For example, “It was not because you were more numerous than any other people that the LORD set his heart on you and chose you—for you were the fewest of all peoples. It was because the LORD loved you and kept the oath that he swore to your ancestors, that the LORD has brought you out with a mighty hand, and redeemed you from the house of slavery, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt. Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God who maintains covenant loyalty with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations.” ~Duet 7:7-9

So it is not by anything that I have done, or anything I could ever do that God has drawn me out and loved me. He freely gave His love to me, not because I was anything special. In Romans Chapter 8:31-39 Paul comes at this topic from a different direction than being chosen by God. Instead he talks about how once we belong to God we can never do anything to be separated from that love.

Not by anything I have done did God choose to love me. Not by anything I could ever do would God choose to stop loving me….

So what should I fear?

Heavenly Father, sometimes I find myself lost in “what others think”. Help me to remember this day that the only thing that matters is that You love me. Help me not to get swept away or distracted by what other people think of me. May my eyes be only on You and Your will for my life. Amen.

Equilibrium

 

Just like a deer that craves streams of water, my whole being craves you, God. My whole being thirsts for God, for the living God. When will I come and see God’s face? My tears have been my food both day and night, as people constantly questioned me, “Where’s your God now?” But I remember these things as I bare my soul: how I made my way to the mighty one’s abode, to God’s own house, with joyous shouts and thanksgiving songs— a huge crowd celebrating the festival! Why, I ask myself, are you so depressed? Why are you so upset inside? Hope in God! Because I will again give him thanks, my saving presence and my God. My whole being is depressed. That’s why I remember you from the land of Jordan and Hermon, from Mount Mizar. Deep called to deep at the noise of your waterfalls; all your massive waves surged over me. By day the LORD commands his faithful love; by night his song is with me— a prayer to the God of my life. I will say to God, my solid rock, “Why have you forgotten me? Why do I have to walk around, sad, oppressed by enemies?” With my bones crushed, my foes make fun of me, constantly questioning me: “Where’s your God now?” Why, I ask myself, are you so depressed? Why are you so upset inside? Hope in God! Because I will again give him thanks, my saving presence and my God. ~Psalm 42

If I am not careful my desire for equilibrium can become an idolatrous attempt to deny a large part of what life is about. Messages I receive from the world around me tell me that there is something wrong with me if things are out of kilter and that life is meant to be lived on a plateau of happiness. Advertising sends messages that if only we buy this product or that product all my needs and longings will be satisfied. But if I turn to my Bible instead looking for answers to my restlessness, I find that the psalms show that this kind of thinking is a lie. I should boldly deal with life as it really is seeking out God for my balance and harmony.

Life is not meant to glide along always so smoothly for then I would forget to question. Without questions I do not seek out answers. Who am I? How am I to respond to the all-encompassing power of God? Without the questions I would not know that God is behind, in front, and above, laying a hand upon the one who feels searched out and known. Without the questions I would not know of an omnipresent Creator nor would I see Him as reality.

In my questions I find myself on holy ground, and as I allow myself to be held in that moment of awareness, I must respond with what is truly in my heart. I tell God that I am afraid, uncertain, relieved filled with gratitude or a longing for more. It is in theses stirred up moments that deepest part of me finds the depths of a living God.

Heavenly Father I know that it is in the valleys and mountain tops of life that I will find myself closest to you. Only You can touch the deepest parts of my heart. As I travel through this day may I feel your hand on me. Amen.

Compassion

Afterward, Jesus went out and saw a tax collector named Levi sitting at a kiosk for collecting taxes. Jesus said to him, “ Follow me.” Levi got up, left everything behind, and followed him. Then Levi threw a great banquet for Jesus in his home. A large number of tax collectors and others sat down to eat with them. The Pharisees and their legal experts grumbled against his disciples. They said, “Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?”Jesus answered, “ Healthy people don’t need a doctor, but sick people do. I didn’t come to call righteous people but sinners to change their hearts and lives.” ~Luke 5: 37-32 (CEB)

“To go where healing and love is needed, and give it in a way in which it can be received, often means acting in the in the teeth of our own interests and preferences. Christ risked his reputation for holiness by healing on the Sabbath; he touched the unclean and dined with the wrong people; he accepted the love and companionship of a sinner (that most wonderful of all remedies for the wounds of sin). He loved with God’s love and so went straight to the point: What can I do to restore my fellow creature and how?” ~From The Light of Christ by Evelyn Underhill

Sometimes I forget just what Jesus gave up coming into the world to save us. More than just coming down from Heaven into this hurtful world, he gave up his reputation, his home, a chance for a family, standing in the community and a place in any local synagogue. Instead he slept where ever he could find a place to lay his head; hung out with less desirable people; and went places that weren’t always safe. We don’t see Jesus hesitating and saying, “Maybe I shouldn’t do this, what would people think?”

Compassion is a gift that Jesus gave to everyone he met. We have just a skeletal view of Jesus’ life before he entered into ministry, but when I think about what compassionate people have in common I can’t help but wonder what Jesus’ life was like before his ministry. Some of the common characteristics of compassionate people often are significant suffering or painful life events of their own, a generous heart, a non-blaming and non-judging mind, a passionate spirit, and a love that embraces the oneness of all creation.

Jesus, being God’s Son probably came to earth already with the qualities of compassion. But I still think that the attributes of his compassion where hard won yet freely given to all. He never held back his compassion from others.

Another gift Jesus gave others was his companionship. With Jesus as a friend people began to realize that they could be forgiven for the lives they had previously lived and could begin a new life because a simple carpenter first loved them. Christ is new life. He came down from Heaven just to show the way.

In Christ I too can think of my old life as dead, the words from the Message translation say it this way, “Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you’ll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ.” ~Col 13:3-4 (italics mine)

Out of my thankfulness for Christ’s compassion and companionship I need to in turn show compassion and give companionship to others. Not to make anything of myself, not to say look at how good I am now, but to say instead, if Jesus could love even me, he can love you too!

Heavenly Father, we thank You for sending Your son down from Heaven to personally touch each of our wounds and to spend precious time with every one of us. We thank You for the gift of compassion We thank You companionship you have so freely given to us. Out of the over flow of Your love for us may we in turn give of Your compassion and gentle companionship so others may find their way home to You too. Amen.

Today, I run

If I did want to brag, I wouldn’t make a fool of myself because I’d tell the truth. I’m holding back from bragging so that no one will give me any more credit than what anyone sees or hears about me. I was given a thorn in my body because of the outstanding revelations I’ve received so that I wouldn’t be conceited. It’s a messenger from Satan sent to torment me so that I wouldn’t be conceited. I pleaded with the Lord three times for it to leave me alone. He said to me, “My grace is enough for you, because power is made perfect in weakness.” So I’ll gladly spend my time bragging about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power can rest on me. Therefore, I’m all right with weaknesses, insults, disasters, harassments, and stressful situations for the sake of Christ, because when I’m weak, then I’m strong. ~2 Cor 12:6-10 (CEB)

When I was eight a tumor was found on my leg. You know how it is, one moment you are going about your normal everyday life, the next you don’t recognize your life anymore. Even though it was determined that the tumor was not cancerous we were still left with a frightening unknown. The doctors couldn’t remove it without injuring my leg. They determined the least harm was to allow it to remain since it was non-cancerous and to reevaluate the situation after I had stopped growing. But we had to always watch and if it changed in any way they would reevaluate the situation sooner.

So I was sent home to live my life. I remember standing in the hall in school wondering how noticeable this bump on my leg was to everyone around me. Even into my teen years I still prayed for the tumor to “magically” disappear. In the evenings when the 700 club would come on and prayers were said for healing I couldn’t help but hold my breath that I just might be healed too. I struggled between guilt about wishing the tumor away and trying to be thankful that I was really okay despite my  feelings. The fear of the tumor “mysteriously changing” into something bad haunted my dreams.

As a result of the tumor, my leg did pain me from time to time and my parents didn’t push me towards activities that greatly strained my leg. Looking back I almost feel that I was discouraged from doing anything that might stress my leg. We had been conditioned to baby it. Although I have always been active there was the underlying fear of injuring that leg.

I lived my life like that for 30 years, always with the shadow of this lump on my leg changing into something frightening but trying to be thankful that I didn’t have cancer. I couldn’t help praying from time to time for the tumor to just go away. What do you do with heartfelt unanswered prayers? Personally I kept putting the issue back on the shelf since I had no answers then taking it back down again from time to time. Then one day something strange happened. I developed this unexplainable desire to run.

For two years I tried to be happy with just hiking and biking and long walks, but the desire to run would not leave. Finally I decided I would actually join a running club and just see how things went. By that May I participated in my first 5K. I felt so elated when I crossed that finish line. First that I didn’t embarrass myself by collapsing but also that I had actually managed to do what I thought I would never be able to do. Run.

I often think of Paul in the Bible. His words often speak straight to my heart. This tumor was just one of many thorns that God has not removed from my life.  In the 18 months that I have run there have been so many life lessons I have learned. First it was struggling through those beginning miles about endurance and determination and that it is still okay to have dreams and go after them. I have learned that life is so much like running. There is pain. You have to learn what to work through and what to avoid. I have learned that sometimes it is frightening and overwhelming, but the rewards in the end are great. God did not remove this tumor, though I was faithful in prayer. He chose to show me through this tumor that with Him, I could conquer a long ingrained fear. His grace really is enough.

I don’t take for granted that I will always be able to run. With each run I am ever aware that it might be my last. But that last is not today. Today, I run.

Heavenly Father, I stand amazed at grace. Instead of removing a deeply ingrained fear, You choose to help me work through it enabling me to be able to dream bigger. I thank You for Your plans for me to prosper. I thank You for giving me hope and a future. Amen.

Union with Christ

I rejoiced with those who said to me,

“Let’s go to the LORD’s house!”

Now our feet are standing in your gates, Jerusalem!

Jerusalem is built like a city joined together in unity.

That is where the tribes go up— the LORD’s tribes!

It is the law for Israel to give thanks there to the LORD’s name,

because the thrones of justice are there—

the thrones of the house of David!

Pray that Jerusalem has peace:

“Let those who love you have rest.

Let there be peace on your walls;

let there be rest on your fortifications.”

For the sake of my family and friends, I say,

“Peace be with you, Jerusalem.”

For the sake of the LORD our God’s house

I will pray for your good.

~Psalm 122 (CEB)

 

“The goal of the Christian life is union with Christ, but such union is only dimly and occasionally realized in this life by most of us. Nevertheless, the pilgrimage toward the goal is one of joyful discovery that Christ is with us whether or not we realize that presence. We are given new opportunities for relationships with others along the way. We find new possibilities within us that we had not thought possible. The adventure of the Christian life is one that demands all we can give it. But the testimony of the ages is that the goal of the adventure is well worth the struggle. The hungry heart of the pilgrim is fed along the way.” ~From Reformed Spirituality by Howard L. Rice.

Heavenly Father, as I travel ever closer I thank you for those whom I have met along the way. I thank you for Christ presence ever within me and for new possibilities ever on the horizon. Amen.

Simlpy living

Whoever is faithful with little is also faithful with much, and the one who is dishonest with little is also dishonest with much. ~Luke 16:10 (CEB)

This came across my computer at a very timely moment. But that isn’t unusual when you go looking for answers to prayers. I have been struggling with the in-between times of things. I know that God has a purpose for me. I know that that purpose is in front of me but that purpose is not right now. I struggle with what I am to do in the waiting. Waiting for the moment I am to carry out what God wants me to do. Waiting is not one of my strengths:

“The largest part of Jesus’ life was hidden.  Jesus lived with his parents in Nazareth, “under their authority” (Luke 2:51), and there “increased in wisdom, in stature, and in favor with God and with people” (Luke 2:52).  When we think about Jesus we mostly think about his words and miracles, his passion, death, and resurrection, but we should never forget that before all of that Jesus lived a simple, hidden life in a small town, far away from all the great people, great cities, and great events.  Jesus’ hidden life is very important for our own spiritual journeys.  If we want to follow Jesus by words and deeds in the service of his Kingdom, we must first of all strive to follow Jesus in his simple, unspectacular, and very ordinary hidden life.” ~Henri Nouwen, Bread for the Journey

Ok, I know this truth. Living my simple, ordinary unspectacular life is still in God’s will for my life. Being ready for the moments He calls me to service is important but even more important is just living everyday life to the best of my ability. My greatest claim to fame may be how I live my hidden life. It is those moments that only God sees that show our true character. So when we are faithful with the small hidden parts of our lives then He knows we are ready for something bigger.

Heavenly Father, Help me in my times of waiting. Help me in this in-between time of searching for Your will on my life. May I continue to grow in wisdom, stature, and favor with You. Amen.

Christian living

 

By his divine power the Lord has given us everything we need for life and godliness through the knowledge of the one who called us by his own honor and glory. Through his honor and glory he has given us his precious and wonderful promises, that you may share the divine nature and escape from the world’s immorality that sinful craving produces. This is why you must make every effort to add moral excellence to your faith; and to moral excellence, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, endurance; and to endurance, godliness; and to godliness, affection for others; and to affection for others, love. If all these are yours and they are growing in you, they’ll keep you from becoming inactive and unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. Whoever lacks these things is shortsighted and blind, forgetting that they were cleansed from their past sins. Therefore, brothers and sisters, be eager to confirm your call and election. Do this and you will never ever be lost. In this way you will receive a rich welcome into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ. ~2Peter 1:3-11 (CEB)

As a young adult I knew there was more to being a Christian than just being saved. “But what does God require of me? “, I would wonder. It was only after much reading that I began to realize that God does tell us how He wants to live out our Christian lives. Here in 2 Peter 1 we find that God has given us everything we need for life. God gives us faith, morality, knowledge, self-control, endurance, godliness, affection for others and love. All of these are mine to claim. These verses tell me I have these things right now but I need to embrace them and allow them to grow.

To think that I cannot do these things means I have forgotten that I have been washed clean of my past. There was a time that I may not have had self-control, but now I do. There was a time that my morality was on shaky ground, my endurance was not strong and I didn’t always love others as I should. That is the past. Today I can claim anew faith, love, knowledge, morality, endurance, godliness and affection for others. I have been called to these things and as long as I go after these things I will never be lost. Following after what I have been called to enriches my life.

Heavenly Father, Help me claim anew this day the characteristics You have promised me through Your word. Give the Your strength as I  go through this day. May my steps not falter from Your path. Amen.

Dreams

Once the council members heard these words, they were enraged and began to grind their teeth at Stephen. But Stephen, enabled by the Holy Spirit, stared into heaven and saw God’s majesty and Jesus standing at God’s right side. He exclaimed, “Look! I can see heaven on display and the Human One standing at God’s right side!” At this, they shrieked and covered their ears. Together, they charged at him, threw him out of the city, and began to stone him. The witnesses placed their coats in the care of a young man named Saul. As they battered him with stones, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, accept my life!” Falling to his knees, he shouted, “Lord, don’t hold this sin against them!” Then he died. Saul was in full agreement with Stephen’s murder. Acts 7:54-8:1 (CEB)

Paul did not want to be an apostle to the Gentiles. He wanted to be a clever Jewish Scholar. I bet he even dreamed of it when he was younger. How he would impress others by his obedience to and knowledge of the Law. Maybe at Stephen’s stoning Paul saw his opportunity to make his dreams happen. But dreams are not God given if they come at the cost of the lives of others.

I had a dream, to be a famous artist. Through high school I usually placed in contests that I entered. I even won an award my Freshman year of college, “Freshman with the Most Potential to Succeed.” I am sure my professors felt that by now they would be hearing great things about me in the art world.

Sometimes our childhood dreams are not the best dreams for us. When the disappointment has passed we can discover that God has planted new dreams in our hearts. Dreams that we can be just as passionate about as the dreams we dreamed as youth. It can be hard to let go of the dreams of childhood, but if we can open our hearts to hear God’s will we can find that our dreams have been restored in something better.

Did Paul have to give up his knowledge of the Law? No. But God wanted him to use his knowledge in a different way. His knowledge was never intended to impress others but to win souls for Christ. It was Paul’s passion that God wanted to use.

Heaven Father, I thank You for new dreams you have placed in my heart. May I always be passionate for You. Amen.

Freedom

We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. ~Romans 6:2

When I say I long for freedom, freedom from what? Freedom from the illusion of control, that if I can just make sure things line-up just so nothing bad is going to happen. Freedom from the need to be right all the time, that sometimes I simple just don’t know the answers.  Freedom from the fears of serious things, like being lost, getting sick, the death of a loved one.  Freedom from irrational things like an organized house will bring peace and the feeling of order or that making everyone else happy can by some miracle make me happy.

When I say that “I can’t”, when I see that “God can”, when I take the action of letting Him handle all things then I can experience freedom. Freedom from the try-hard life where I stay strong, put on a good front and think that I can handle all things my-self. When I trust, allowing my “self” to fall to the ground like a seed, that shell of my self-life can burst allowing the Healers life to burst forth.

New life brings freedom. God’s life allows me to experience a freedom I can never find on my own. I just have to allow myself to be buried with Jesus so that I may also be raised into a new life free of trying hard (and missing the mark).

Heavenly Father, I find myself trying so hard. I want to control everything and know all the answers. Please free my from my “self” so that I may have true life through You. Amen.

Special

Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. ~1 Corinthians 12:27 (NIV)

“Special”, my daughter says means that you are different. Being different apparently means there is something wrong with you. God didn’t make us all the same. It would be boring if He did! There is no comfort when you tell your children that God has made us all different.

Sometimes I too find myself longing for someone else’s kind of different. It might be nice to be more outgoing maybe even flamboyant. Some days I think it might be nice to not be so contemplative and analytical. Although sometimes I do find myself more outgoing than others I cannot change the personality that is me.

Henri Nouwen in his book, Bread for the Journey says this about temperaments, “Our temperaments – whether flamboyant, phlegmatic, introverted, or extroverted – are quite permanent fixtures of our personalities.  Still, the way we “use” our temperaments on a daily basis can vary greatly.  When we are attentive to the Spirit of God within us, we will gradually learn to put our temperaments in the service of a virtuous life.  Then flamboyancy gives great zeal for the Kingdom, phlegmatism helps to keep an even keel in times of crisis, introversion deepens the contemplative side, and extroversion encourages creative ministry.”

Nouwen goes on to say that we should treat our temperaments as we do gifts that help us deepen our spiritual lives. God made different people because He has different kinds of service. Instead of looking at how it must be nice to be comfortable in a crowd of people, I should use my contemplative nature as God intends, in service to Him.

Heavenly Father, I thank You for my kind of different. May I use who I am in service to You. Amen.

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