A love of my own

04 Jul 2012 Leave a comment

by jennifermcintyreblog in Devotions Tags: , , , ,

But you know all about it— the contempt, the abuse. I dare to believe that the luckless will get lucky someday in you. You won’t let them down: orphans won’t be orphans forever. ~Psalm 10:14 (MSG) 

 

Every Fourth of July since I was very small, I have traveled to Huntington Indiana for a family reunion. My dad has three brothers and four sisters all who had large families too and most of them came every year for a celebration. At noon we would gather for a big meal. Much talk and lots of fun was had by all. The visiting would continue throughout the day into the evening. Roasting hot dogs and marshmallows, swimming in the lake, capture the flag in the dark… all memories I look back on with fondness. I could paint this picture with all the skill of a fine master painter leaving out things like mosquito bites and sunburns. I could also easily leave out of this picture that I paint that this family is not really mine.

After my parents had been married for a year, my dad adopted me. My birth father never contested it. Even though God sent me a wonderful man to be my father I still felt the sting of the rejection. The man never had a significant role in my life after he and my mother divorced but the simple act of not caring shadowed me. I have always felt that it was probably best that he was not part of my life and I have no real memories of him, but I always wondered why I was so unlovable.

I still travel to the family reunions, bringing my husband and children along. Although I have been adopted into this family for forty years now, I still feel like I am just pretending- that I don’t really belong. My head tells me that I am part of this family but my heart still remembers that once there was someone who didn’t want me. In college I went through a difficult time and was really struggling to figure out just who I was compared to what I had been told. In my own way I rebelled and hid, but one thing I just couldn’t hide from was my Bible. That semester I read Romans through and through and it brought some balm to my tender soul. I read again and again Romans chapters 8 and 9. I learned that even though there was an earthly family that didn’t love me, through Jesus Christ I was adopted into, grafted into a family that was true. In the Bible I could find a heritage that was mine to claim. Romans told me that the love God had for me would never fluctuate or die

God never leaves us were we are,   John 14:18 says, “I won’t leave you as orphans. I will come to you. (CEB)” Romans 9:8 says it “isn’t the natural children who are God’s children, but it is the children from the promise who are counted as descendants. (MSG)” Jesus said in Matthew 12:50, “Whoever does the will of my Father who is in heaven is my brother, sister, and mother.” John 1:13 says I am a child of God, “born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God. (NIV)” The Bible assures me that I am loved and wanted as part of a family. Just because those who are supposed to love us can’t doesn’t mean that God won’t send others so that He can love us through them. We can’t reject the love He sends just because someone else couldn’t or didn’t. He sends us mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers in Christ to walk with us on this journey.

Heavenly Father, I thank You for loving me. I thank You for family You send my way to ease the travels of this life. May I always be quick to show Your love to others that I meet along the way. Amen

Out of control

03 Jul 2012 Leave a comment

by jennifermcintyreblog in Devotions Tags: , , , , , ,

I will instruct you and teach you about the direction you should go. I’ll advise you and keep my eye on you. ~Psalm 32:8 (CEB)

 

Life can be overwhelming. Ultimately the only thing I can control is my own life and what will happen to me. And even that is limited. The easiest thing would be to live in a guarded, safe, controlled way, to stop taking risks and to be ruled by my fears of “what might happen”. Turning inward is one way to respond to life’s uncertainties. The other is to acknowledge my lack of control and to reach up for God’s help.  Knowing that I cannot control my circumstances is important.

If life was stable, I’d never need God. Since it isn’t stable I reach out to God often. It can be difficult to be thankful for the unkowns in life. It is scary to think I have very limited control but these situations cause me to run to God. A spirit of fear can immobilize me and enforce my want of a more guarded and safe life where variables are more controlled. God does not want me to live this way. He wants me to be adventurous.

Last Easter since we have no family in town my husband, son and I set out after church just to see what we could see. We had no real plan except to spend the day together. We got in the car and headed out over the Foothills parkway. We stopped at every overlook and got out to see each view of the mountains. We stopped at a stream and threw rocks into the water. Then when we made it to the other side of the parkway we decided to turn left onto hwy 129 and head toward North Carolina. Still no real plan, just not ready to head home we followed Hwy 129 through all its switches back and forth, over and around the mountains. We enjoyed the views and the beautiful day. After we crossed over the state line we were close to Fontana village and since my husband had worked there one summer while in college he thought it would be fun to look around. While we walked around we stumbled across an Easter egg hunt and my son was invited to join in.

We enjoyed exploring Fontana village. Again we found that we were not ready to call it a day. Since we would be passing Fontana dam our way back home, we thought we would check it out too. Before getting to the dam we stumbled upon Fontana Lake and took a few minutes to explore the boat dock there before continuing on to the dam. Slowly we meandered our way to the dam where we found that the views were glorious. We wandered around, walked over the dam and around the little visitor’s center.

It was a wonderful day. We had nowhere to rush of to, the weather was beautiful and we were not expecting certain things out of our day out. We just took it all as it came. I told my son who exclaimed what a great time he had had that we could never have planned that day. A day like that day just happens. A day like that cannot be controlled and still have the same enjoyment. It was the spirit of exploring that made that day special.

An adventurer never knows what treasures will be stumbled upon and those precious moments can never be planned. Although an adventure seems risky the rewards are always worthwhile. With God at my side the risks of living are never too great and I often prize those things God has done when I live my life. With my eyes on God I can have the confidence to step out on faith to see in the world what there is to see, one little treasure at a time.

Heavenly Father, grant to me this day an adventurous heart to bravely go out into the world a little out of control for You. Help me to store all the treasures I find deep in my heart to be pulled out and shared with others along the way. May I never be so self-controlled that I miss out on the joy You have in store for me. Watch closely over me and guide me in the way that I should go. I thank you for Your love. Amen.

Surface wound

02 Jul 2012 Leave a comment

by jennifermcintyreblog in Devotions Tags: , , , , , , ,

When I kept quiet, my bones wore out; I was groaning all day long— every day, every night!—  because your hand was heavy upon me. My energy was sapped as if in a summer drought. So I admitted my sin to you; I didn’t conceal my guilt. “I’ll confess my sins to the LORD, ” is what I said. Then you removed the guilt of my sin.  That’s why all the faithful should pray to you during troubled times, so that a great flood of water won’t reach them.~ Psalm 32:3-6 (CEB)

I fell. It was storming and wet and I had to get gas. While I was pumping gas, and because I can’t just stand there waiting for my car to fill up with gas, I thought I would move my bag from the trunk to the front passenger seat while I was under some protection. That way when I got home I could just dash in the door with everything. As I stepped over the hose, somehow my foot got tangled and with the lack of traction due to oil and water, I fell with all my weight landing on my knee. To stand and walk did not cause great pain but bending my knee hurt. Taking ibuprofen seemed to reduce the swelling and I seemed to just be black and blue with no major injury.

Because it is just a big ugly bruise, I think it is funny. It makes a good story. One minute I am walking, the next moment, I find myself looking at the underneath side of my car. I kind of enjoyed showing the bruise off to my family as it went through a rainbow of colors. There is no real damage done. The damage is only on the surface and over time it will fade away.

8 months ago I injured myself running. It wasn’t so funny. I was embarrassed to have allowed the injury to happen. I should have known better. I should not have let it happen. So I felt. I was afraid that I would never run again. I hated to talk about it. If you looked at my leg you couldn’t see that there was anything wrong. It just hurt. Bad. After a few days I realized that I was not getting better and went to see a physical therapist that sees people at a local running shop. He told me to continue with heat, ice, stretching and ibuprofen. After a week of doing this he said I could try a 3 mile run on flat ground.

One week later, after doing exactly what I had been told I went off for a light run. It was a little sore but no major pain so I finished running the three miles. As the day went on my leg began to hurt more and more. Two day later my leg and ankle began to swell. I couldn’t hide the fact any longer that something serious was going on. This situation had become bigger than me.

It took four months for my leg to heal enough to no longer limp when I walked. I began to run again but the fear of injuring my leg again was constantly in my thoughts. Still I feel twinges in the tendon that I pulled below me knee and I remember the hobbling pain I lived with day and night. The memory of this injury will always be with me. Re-injuring the tendon again will always be a possibility. My leg will never be the same.

When life injures me, I find myself in a similar situation. The surface wounds though painful are easy to share, talk about and even get a good laugh. But the deep really painful hurts that no one sees are harder to talk about. Often it is frightening. Many times it is embarrassing and I think I should have known better than to let myself get into that situation. Sometimes it hurts too much to move to go get the help that I need. Even after I begin to heal the fear of re-injury is ever present. Some hurts are life changing.

There comes a moment when you know this injury has become bigger than you. God has put us in community for our healing. James 5:14-16 says “If any of you are sick, they should call for the elders of the church, and the elders should pray over them, anointing them with oil in the name of the Lord. Prayer that comes from faith will heal the sick, for the Lord will restore them to health. And if they have sinned, they will be forgiven. For this reason, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of the righteous person is powerful in what it can achieve.”

Turning to God in our pain will help direct us to a community for our healing. When we talk with others about what is wrong in our life we find that we are not alone in our pain; we find that there are sympathetic people to our plight and we find that we are not the only ones in this situation. We find that there are people who have been through what we have been through and they survived. In sharing our stories we give each other hope. Hope for the journey.

Heavenly Father, I thank You for community. I thank you for fellow sojourners on this journey called life. I thank You for those whom You have sent to walk with me along the way providing hope. May I always be willing to shine a light for others so that their travels can continue always toward You. Amen.

Opposition

01 Jul 2012 Leave a comment

by jennifermcintyreblog in Devotions Tags: , , ,

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathise with our weaknesses, but we have one who in every respect has been tested as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Heb 4:15-12 (NRSV)

When I make the choice to be a follower of Christ, I will face opposition. The opposition may arise within me; it may arise among fellow Christians; or it may arise in the world around me. It may be subtle, blatant, mild, or severe. The question is not  will it come but how to respond when I am faced with opposition.

The opposition from within myself comes from my commitment to a life long journey with the Holy Spirit as my navigator. Distress can arise from finding myself heading in a direction that I am not sure about. I find that I am not called to go to the places that I feel comfortable traveling. Sometimes I feel like the connection is lost while I am to wait or remain silent. Doing the right thing does not lend itself to easy directions. When the connection is clear I can find that the path I am to follow is not one I would have chosen.

When I turn to my Bible I find good news! I am not alone in my struggles. Reading about Gideon in the Bible shows me that it is possible to face the unknown, impossible odds, staggering opposition without fear and without defeat. Abraham was called to leave all that he knew for the promise of a better life. I can turn to the Bible for inspiration for my struggles but I can not expect to be instantly where Mary was in her witness. Neither can I think that there is something wrong with me because I struggle with internal or external opposition. It is in opposition that Jesus seeks to form me and grow me into the person he wants me to be. It is the process of moving from infant milk to adult food (Heb 5:13).

How am I to face opposition when it comes? Squarely, humbly, openly, and with all the faith I can muster. “…For Surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope (Jer. 29:10-11)

Heavenly Father, I thank You for the example of Christ and for the Holy Spirit that lives in me guiding me where I am to go. I know You hold my future and Your plans are for my good. Stay close as I go through these growing pains and bolster my heart to always do your will. Amen.

An awakening

25 Jun 2012 Leave a comment

by jennifermcintyreblog in Devotions Tags: , , , ,

When the crowd heard this, they were deeply troubled. They said to Peter and the other apostles, “Brothers, what should we do?” Peter replied, “Change your hearts and lives. Each of you must be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. Then you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. This promise is for you, your children, and for all who are far away—as many as the Lord our God invites.” ~Acts 2:37-39 (CEB)

Maybe it is hearing tv evangelists or street corner preachers that plant the idea in our heads that coming to Christ is a lightning bolt moment. While coming to Christ may seem like a once-in-a-lifetime experience it is really an ongoing journey within us. Conversion is a lifelong process of turning more and more fully toward God in all that we are, possess, and do. I can look back over my life and see earthshaking moments that seemed to shift my life more in line with Christ. But such moments are just part of the process not the end as I give myself over to the transforming power of God.

It took a long time for me to come to terms with the fact that change is not instantaneous. While conversion requires our decision and action, it takes time to change us into the image of Christ. I have also learned that it took time to develop my bad habits so it will also take time to undo the habits I have formed. Without the work of undoing the bad habits they will come back or new bad habits will take their place. (Matt 12:43-45)

Macrina Wiederkehr in her book, A Tree Full of Angels, gives us an insight into Paul’s conversion experience, “When Saul was knocked down by that flash of lightening, that was not conversion. That was just God getting his attention. The conversion came as he groped his way in blindness to Ananias, able to see with interior eyes because he had no external eyes to depend on. His conversion continued day after day as he began to give meaning to his new name, Paul. He was still in the process of conversion when he was on his way to Rome in chains.”

I get a glimpse of Paul’s ongoing conversion when I read in Romans 7:15-21, “I don’t know what I’m doing, because I don’t do what I want to do. Instead, I do the thing that I hate. But if I’m doing the thing that I don’t want to do, I’m agreeing that the Law is right. But now I’m not the one doing it anymore. Instead, its sin that lives in me. I know that good doesn’t live in me—that is, in my body. The desire to do good is inside of me, but I can’t do it. I don’t do the good that I want to do, but I do the evil that I don’t want to do. But if I do the very thing that I don’t want to do, then I’m not the one doing it anymore. Instead, it is sin that lives in me that is doing it. So I find that, as a rule, when I want to do what is good, evil is right there with me.”

Conversion is an awakening of the spirit. Suddenly the world begins to make sense despite the absurdity, the injustice, the pain. Our vision is opened up enough to be able to absorb the contradictions and the collision of opposites. We go from being blind or short sighted to seeing with God’s eyes. The love of God dawns upon us and with it comes the most amazing promise and a new hope. What we cannot redeem, God can, and what we cannot erase God will.

Heavenly Father, I thank you for Your grace that saves me. I thank You for awakening my spirit and the transformation You allow in my life. I claim the strength You promise as I try to do Your will, one day at a time. Amen.

Love beyond all limits

22 Jun 2012 Leave a comment

by jennifermcintyreblog in Devotions Tags: , , ,

Therefore, imitate God like dearly loved children. Live your life with love, following the example of Christ, who loved us and gave himself for us. He was a sacrificial offering that~ smelled sweet to God. ~Eph 5:1-2 (CEB)

Even if you have not grown up in church I feel confident that you have heard that God loves us. Maybe you have heard of God’s love through the simple children’s song, “Jesus loves me”. In church the concept of God’s love is taught but not necessarily known. It takes life experiences to begin to understand what God’s love means in our heart. But this journey towards understanding just how big, how wide how deep how great God’s love really is (Eph 3:18-19), begins with misunderstanding just what love means

For many reasons we find ourselves misunderstanding God’s love. That it is absolute and unlimited for each one of us. The reasons that it is difficult for us to receive, trust or see His love are as numerous as there are people in the world. The relationships we have with others impact us and affect our views on what love means. How we interact in relationships can be reflected in how we interact and relate to God. Somewhere along the way we may be taught that love is based on performance, control, comes with conditions… When we take our first step on our journey of who we really are in Christ, we can begin to understand the concept of God’s perfect love for us just as we are right now.

It wasn’t until after the birth of my daughter, standing over her crib watching her sleep that I began to get a taste of what God’s love is for us. I also began to understand just how human I really was and that I could never love her enough. Matthew 7:11 says ” If you who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good things to those who ask him.” If  I with all my faults, love my children and want so much for them can I not begin to take to heart the love God has for me? After being a mom for 15 years, I am only beginning to scratch the surface of this kind of love.

Our journey towards grasping the concept of God’s love begins with this verse in Romans 8:38-39, ” But in all these things we win a sweeping victory through the one who loved us. I’m convinced that nothing can separate us from God’s love in Christ Jesus our Lord: not death or life, not angels or rulers, not present things or future things, not powers or height or depth, or any other thing that is created”. God’s love for us knows NO limits.

Sometimes understanding is beyond our reach when life has caused deep wounds, Henri Nouwen in his book, The Wounded Healer, has this to say, ” How can someone ever trust in the existence of an unconditional divine love when most, if not all, of what he or she has experienced is the opposite of love -fear, hatred, violence, and abuse? They are not condemned to be victims! There remains within them, hidden as it may seem, the possibility to choose love. Many people who have suffered the most horrendous rejections and been subject to the most cruel torture are able to choose love. By choosing love they become witnesses not only to enormous human resiliency but also to the divine love that transcends all human loves. Those who choose, even on a small scale, to love in the midst of hatred and fear are the people who offer true hope to our world.”

I walk a narrow path of hope in the midst of a world that has only hatred and fear to share. I look not to the world to define what love means. I look to the Source that is love. Sometimes the people in my life are here to show me what love is not. Sometimes I am blessed with insights of what love truly can be.

Heavenly Father I thank you this day for Your love that has no limits. I thank You for those people You have placed in my life to love and to love me. May I be an example of love to all I meet this day. Amen.

What is the point of it all?

21 Jun 2012 Leave a comment

by jennifermcintyreblog in Devotions Tags: , , , , ,

What do workers gain from all their hard work? I have observed the task that God has given human beings. God has made everything fitting in its time, but has also placed eternity in their hearts, without enabling them to discover what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there’s nothing better for them but to enjoy themselves and do what’s good while they live. Moreover, this is the gift of God: that all people should eat, drink, and enjoy the results of their hard work. I know that whatever God does will last forever; it’s impossible to add to it or take away from it. God has done this so that people are reverent before him. Whatever happens has already happened, and whatever will happen has already happened before. And God looks after what is driven away.~Ecc3:9-15 (CEB)

 

What is the point of it all? I have been reading Ecclesiastes so I know that I am not the only person to ponder this question. Earlier in Chapter 3 the author talks about how there is a time for every season in life. A time to be born… a time to die… There are times in my life that everything seems to be going well. God gives me these times so that I can show the world how to live a life of blessings while still fully in tune with God. Other times I find life miserable and full of difficulties. God has allowed these hard times so that I can show the world how great our God is and that being His child brings great peace and joy despite hardship.

It is easy to become disillusioned with the circumstances of life compared to others’. The Psalmist writes about this in Psalm 73 “I saw the prosperity of the wicked.… Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure.… When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God” (Ps. 73:3, 13, 16–17) When I come into God’s presence He gives me peace and joy that surpasses it all. When I read the Bible it helps me to keep my focus on Him and not my current situation.

So what is the point of life here on earth, whatever moment I find myself in? The point of my life is to bring Him Glory. From the coffee break I take on my porch swing, to the words I say to a friend, to the boundaries I set for my kids and the walks I take with my husband, it should all point to Him. “So, whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, you should do it all for Gods glory. “ ~1Cor 10:31 (CEB)

May my life this day Lord, point to Your glory. From the words I speak to the actions I take may it all be done to reflect Your love and grace in my life. Amen.

Who’s in the driver’s seat?

18 Jun 2012 Leave a comment

by jennifermcintyreblog in Devotions Tags: , , ,

I know the plans I have in mind for you, declares the LORD; they are plans for peace, not disaster, to give you a future filled with hope. When you call me and come and pray to me, I will listen to you. When you search for me, yes, search for me with all your heart, you will find me.~Jer 29:11-13 (CEB)

While I was using the navigation app on my phone I missed an important turn. Right after I took  a right I didn’t realize my phone was telling me to stay right for another turn. When I realized what the app wanted me to do, it was too late to make the turn. My phone could have said, “Well that’s it. Since you are too stupid to understand what I am telling you, I am going to leave you to figure out what you need to do next.” No, my phone didn’t ridicule me or berate me for being confused. It simple recalculated the road to adjust to where I was at the  moment, leading me to other roads that ultimately got me to my intended goal.

I have seen the Holy Spirit working in my life in the same way. When I think I know the path that I am supposed to be on but then realize that I am lost and confused, I do not find myself abandoned by Holy Spirit. No. I cannot mess up God’s plan for my life. When I take a wrong path the Holy Spirit simply  recalculates  to adjust to where I am at the moment, continuing to lead me in the way I need to go. Now I could be upset with the detour I have taken or I can sit back and calmly realize that God is still in control of my life. His plan for me includes those times that I take back over the direction I am headed.

There are no words to match the feelings that well up inside me when I realize that there is NOTHING I can do to mess up my God-given-destiny. Despite myself, God will get me where He plans for me to be. That’s kinda humbling.

Father  in heaven, thank You for never leaving me where I am at but taking me on to what You have planned for me. Amen.

A mosaic piece of work

11 Jun 2012 Leave a comment

by jennifermcintyreblog in Devotions Tags:

A joyful heart helps healing, but a broken spirit dries up the bones. ~Proverbs 17:22 (CEB)

 

I once was lost. Even though I had grown up in a Christian home, brought up in church and believed in God with my whole heart I still found myself lost one day. Life’s circumstances can do that sometimes. Whether it is bad choices or not paying attention we can find ourselves in a place we don’t want to be. After a 3 year journey, I have just begun to realize it has not been so much my obedience to do His will that God had in His plans when He came after me. He wanted to heal my broken heart along the way. Who knew?

Today I am a mosaic pieced back together by the Master Creator. So often we think when something has been shattered that there is no value left. When I allowed God to mend what I had deemed beyond repair, I found that there could still be beauty. It is a different kind of beauty. I am not what I once was, but with the Light shining through me, I am more beautiful than even before my heart was shattered. Not only am I whole again but I find that I still have value in God’s eyes.

Heavenly Father, I thank you for seeking me, for relentlessly pursuing me. I thank you for going into the depths to pull me out. You not only sought me out, You healed me. May I always remember to be thankful. Amen.

Joy comes in the morning

07 Jun 2012 Leave a comment

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Weeping may linger for the night, but joy comes with the morning. ~Psalm 30:5 (NRSV)

 
Sometimes the “dark of night” can bleed into day light hours. During these times it can feel so hard to hold onto the truths that I know. Even though I have taken a stand against a spirit of fear, though I’ve prayed for the truth to be revealed and that I not make things to be more than they really are, anxiety doesn’t always fly away instantly.

There is a moment of clarity though. The overwhelming clouds of doubt, fear and confusion do roll away. The peace that I prayed so diligently for does begin to light up the sky. Have my problems vanished? No, my situation has not changed but the attack on my sanity is gone. I still have to continue the work I know is ahead of me. With the rays of light that begin to light my horizon I know that the endurance the Bible promises me is filling my soul. Sweet breaths of air are drifting through me as the burden seems lighter to carry. The “joy that comes in the morning” is that peace that passes all understanding.

Heavenly Father, thank You for sending Jesus to walk with me when I wander through dark times. Thank You for your Holy Spirit that gives me air so I can breathe. Thank You for the power of Jesus’ name that empowers me to endure the toughest storms that I may know the joy of the morning. Amen.

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