Pieces of the Puzzle

Surely he knows my way; when he tests me, I will emerge as gold. ~Job 23:10 (CEB)

“Dear Jesus, during this day help me quiet all the thoughts that fill my head- where I must go, whom I must see, and what I must do. In their place, give me a sense of your order, your peace, and your time.

Help me to understand that you are in control, and I can trust you with my day. Help me to realize that nothing on my to-do list is important if it is not what you want me to do.

I give my tasks to you and trust you to bring order to them. In these moments, dear Jesus, come to me, be with me and free me from the tyranny of ‘to do’ “. ~From Quiet Spaces by Patricia F. Wilson

Amen.

If you offer your food to the hungry and satisfy the needs of the afflicted then your light shall rise in the darkness and your gloom will be like the noonday. The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your needs in parched places, and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters never fail. ~Isa. 58:10-11

What I most desire for you is a certain calmness which recollection, detachment, and love of God alone can give. St. Augustine says that whatever we love outside God, so much the less do we love [God]. It is as a brook whence part of the waters is turned aside. Such a diversion takes away from that which is God’s and thence arise harassment and trouble. God would have all, and [God’s] jealousy cannot endure a divided heart. The slightest affection apart from [God] becomes a hindrance, and causes estrangement. The soul can only look to find peace in love without reserve. ~From The Royal Way of the Cross: Letters and Spiritual Counsels of Francois de Salignac de la Mothe-Fenelon

May I this day O Lord, allow my steps to be guided by you. I seek your calmness as I recall that you will meet all my needs. Make my bones strong in this parched desert. Send your waters to quench my thirst. May You not find my heart divided but filled with you. Amen.

I have fought the good fight, finished the race, and kept the faith. At last the champion’s wreath that is awarded for righteousness is waiting for me. The Lord, who is the righteous judge, is going to give it to me on that day. He’s giving it not only to me but also to all those who have set their heart on waiting for his appearance. ~2Timothy 4:7-8 (CEB)

Recently I was talking with someone about a 5K I was interested in. She told me that the route would be fast because there were not really any hills in the course that had been mapped out. This is unusual for East Tennessee! I thought, well this is good news!

Today when I was out running it occurred to me that without going up a hill there is no “down hills” to glide through on the other side. Yes running up a hill is hard work, but there is such elation when you make to the top, then you have the reward of being carried away with momentum down the other side.

I have not always felt this way about hills. When I first began to run I really dreaded those hills. I was too busy gasping for air to notice where I had been, what I had accomplished or even appreciate the fact that now I had the downside of the hill to enjoy.

As Christians we often talk about “mountain top experiences”. Those awesome moments when we just know God loves us and can feel His presence. The only way we can have these mountainous moments with God is by trekking up the mountain to be with Him.

Often I have found that the mountain top moments with God come after having gone through a really difficult time. The mountain top moment is when I realize I have not only survived the struggle but now at the top of that mountain I have clarity of where I have been and a glimpse of where I am going. On top of the mountain I can see how God has loved me through the moments up that mountain sometimes walking with me, sometimes carrying me, and sometimes dragging me.

I have decided I want hills and mountains in my path. Oh, I don’t wish hard times on myself, but growth and strength are gained by heading up those hills and mountains. Life is a full contact effort. Running circles in the valleys do not lead us to God. We must always tackle those mountains remembering at the top of each mountain, we find God.

Heavenly Father, when times get tough and I find that another mountain looms in front of me, please give me the courage and strength to tackle that uphill climb. May I not find myself running circles, avoiding the hard work or fearing injury. Instead, help me remember that at the top of that mountain I will find You! Amen.

In the same way, the Spirit comes to help our weakness. We don’t know what we should pray, but the Spirit himself pleads our case with unexpressed groans. The one who searches hearts knows how the Spirit thinks, because he pleads for the saints, consistent with God’s will. We know that God works all things together for good for the ones who love God, for those who are called according to his purpose. We know this because God knew them in advance, and he decided in advance that they would be conformed to the image of his Son. That way his Son would be the first of many brothers and sisters. Those who God decided in advance would be conformed to his Son, he also called. Those whom he called, he also made righteous. Those whom he made righteous, he also glorified. So what are we going to say about these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He didn’t spare his own Son but gave him up for us all. Won’t he also freely give us all things with him? ~Romans 8:26-32 (CEB)

When my son was about 10 he would run around some mornings singing his “Happy Day” song that he made up. It was sappy but his happiness would make me smile. His dance would make me laugh. I relax. I wish I could say this was his everyday song. Unfortunately, there seemed to be more mornings than not, that was not quite so happy. I told a friend of mine that I would just enjoy that happy wave while it lasted but if I could figure a way to bottle it I would save some of that cheerfulness for days that seem to be lacking its share of cheer. If only I knew how to flip that switch “on” for him when I wanted to.

Do you know the switch? It shows up in many forms, the running switch, the mood switch, or the healthy eating switch. When my running switch is on I am thrilled to run every day. When it is switched off I have to force myself to go out. Sometimes I don’t even quite make it out the door. When the healthy switch is on I love rabbit food. When it is switched off junk foods of the worst kind call my name. Then there are my own moods. Some days I wake up and I feel like the sun is shining inside of me. The world sees bright before I even have stepped into it. Then there are days with no rhyme or reason that feel like a fog has rolled in deep into my soul. Every fiber of my being just seems to ache.

This is one benefit of age. Having lived through them, I know the bad moments are just for a time. Not forever. The more I pretend to be “switched on” the sooner I get back to actually feeling the way I want to feel. I think a public speaker put it this way, “Do what is right it until it feels right.” This also brings to  my mind the verse from Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

There are days that the only way I make it through is by trusting God with my whole heart. I believe that He does have a plan for me and that He is working all things for my good. Even my bad moments are used for His ultimate glory. Today though I have my son’s “Happy Day” song running through my head and I have it tucked in my heart for another moment where I find that I might need it.

Heavenly Father, I thank You for” Happy Day” songs. Bring them to mind when my spirit is down. Help me to remember to dance through the bad moments on my way to the good times knowing you dance along with me. Amen.

You are the one who created my innermost parts; you knit me together while I was still in my mother’s womb. I give thanks to you that I was marvelously set apart. Your works are wonderful— I know that very well. My bones weren’t hidden from you when I was being put together in a secret place, when I was being woven together in the deep parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my embryo, and on your scroll every day was written that was being formed for me, before any one of them had yet happened. God, your plans are incomprehensible to me! ~Psalm 139:13-17 (CEB)

God knew me before He created me in my mother’s womb (Jer. 1:5). When God created the world and looked around to everything He had made He said it was supremely good (Gen. 1:31). God looks at me as His accomplishment, created in Christ Jesus to do good things. God planned for these good things to be the way that I live my life. (Eph. 2:10) I do not need to fear failure because God will tell me where to go and what to say (Jer. 1:7-8) In the storms of life God promises me shelter (Psalm 27:5) and when my time here on earth is done I will live in the God’s house as long as I live (Psalm 23:6).

Heavenly Father, I know that You made me for a purpose. I know that you have planned good for me and not harm. I trust you to guide my steps and to give me words to say. You are the shelter in the storms of life. When my time here on earth is done, I look forward to spending forever with you in Heaven. Amen.

So now there isn’t any condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. The law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death. God has done what was impossible for the Law, since it was weak because of selfishness. God condemned sin in the body by sending his own Son to deal with sin in the same body as humans, who are controlled by sin. He did this so that the righteous requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us. Now the way we live is based on the Spirit, not based on selfishness. People whose lives are based on selfishness think about selfish things, but people whose lives are based on the Spirit think about things that are related to the Spirit. The attitude that comes from selfishness leads to death, but the attitude that comes from the Spirit leads to life and peace. So the attitude that comes from selfishness is hostile to God. It doesn’t submit to God’s Law, because it can’t. People who are self-centered aren’t able to please God. But you aren’t self-centered. Instead you are in the Spirit, if in fact God’s Spirit lives in you. If anyone doesn’t have the Spirit of Christ, they don’t belong to him. If Christ is in you, the Spirit is your life because of God’s righteousness, but the body is dead because of sin.  If the Spirit of the one who raised Jesus from the dead lives in you, the one who raised Christ from the dead will give life to your human bodies also, through his Spirit that lives in you. ~Romans 8:1-11

“It may sound paradoxical, but no man is condemned for anything he has done; he is condemned for continuing to do wrong. He is condemned for not coming out of the darkness, for not coming to the light, the living God, who sent the light, His Son, into the world to guide him home.” ~From Creation in Christ, by George Macdonald

“Condemnation is a heavy burden to bear. No matter the source of the condemnation and no matter the reason, condemnation crushes the life out of us all when given the opportunity. Many of us live our lives condemned because we have been unable or unwilling to permit that burden to be removed. Sometimes the condemnation is self-imposed, and we just cannot forgive ourselves for what seems to be, in our own estimation, some great failure. Sometimes the condemnation comes from outside ourselves for failures in the eyes of others. Whether these failures are relatively insignificant or enormous, the burden of condemnation is hard to bear. Therefore the words of Jesus- “Neither do I condemn you. Go your way, and from now on do not sin again” (John 8:11)- are music to our ears. To know that we do not need to carry the failures of the past into the future is good news indeed. Jesus came not to condemn the world but to save the world (John 3:17). The good news for all of us declares that the chains binding us to past failures can be broken; we can be set free to live all our tomorrows without condemnation.

Stop and think for a moment about all those memories that keep invading your consciousness to convince you that you are condemned. And then remember these words of the New Testament; “Who is to condemn? It is Christ Jesus, who died, yes, who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who indeed intercedes for us” (Rom 8:34). There is no condemnation for those who walk with Christ.~Rueben P. Job, A Guide to Prayer for all Who Seek God

All my crushing moments I give to You today O Lord. The memories, the shame, the self-destruction I give to You. No longer do I want to lug around these burdens. I want to come out into the light, please scatter all my shadows. Amen.

Simon Peter told them, “I’m going fishing.” They said, “We’ll go with you”. They set out in a boat, but throughout the night they caught nothing. Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples didn’t realize it was Jesus. Jesus called to them, “Children, have you caught anything to eat?” They answered him, “No.” He said, “Cast your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” So they did, and there were so many fish that they couldn’t haul in the net. Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It’s the Lord!” When Simon Peter heard it was the Lord, he wrapped his coat around himself (for he was naked) and jumped into the water. The other disciples followed in the boat, dragging the net full of fish, for they weren’t far from shore, only about one hundred yards. When they landed, they saw a fire there, with fish on it, and some bread. Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish that you’ve just caught.” Simon Peter got up and pulled the net to shore. It was full of large fish, one hundred fifty-three of them. Yet the net hadn’t torn, even with so many fish. Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” None of the disciples could bring themselves to ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord. Jesus came, took the bread, and gave it to them. He did the same with the fish. ~John 21:3-13 (CEB)

If I did want to brag, I wouldn’t make a fool of myself because I’d tell the truth. I’m holding back from bragging so that no one will give me any more credit than what anyone sees or hears about me. I was given a thorn in my body because of the outstanding revelations I’ve received so that I wouldn’t be conceited. It’s a messenger from Satan sent to torment me so that I wouldn’t be conceited. I pleaded with the Lord three times for it to leave me alone. He said to me, “My grace is enough for you, because power is made perfect in weakness.” So I’ll gladly spend my time bragging about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power can rest on me. Therefore, I’m all right with weaknesses, insults, disasters, harassments, and stressful situations for the sake of Christ, because when I’m weak, then I’m strong. ~2 Cor 12:6-10 (CEB)

When I was eight a tumor was found on my leg. You know how it is, one moment you are going about your normal everyday life, the next you don’t recognize your life anymore. Even though it was determined that the tumor was not cancerous we were still left with a frightening unknown. The doctors couldn’t remove it without injuring my leg. They determined the least harm was to allow it to remain since it was non-cancerous and to reevaluate the situation after I had stopped growing. But we had to always watch and if it changed in any way they would reevaluate the situation sooner.

So I was sent home to live my life. I remember standing in the hall in school wondering how noticeable this bump on my leg was to everyone around me. Even into my teen years I still prayed for the tumor to “magically” disappear. In the evenings when the 700 club would come on and prayers were said for healing I couldn’t help but hold my breath that I just might be healed too. I struggled with guilt about wishing the tumor away and trying to be thankful that I was really okay despite my feelings. The fear of the tumor “mysteriously changing” into something bad haunted my dreams.

As a result of the tumor, my leg did pain me from time to time and my parents didn’t push me towards activities that greatly strained my leg. Looking back I almost feel that I was discouraged from doing anything that might stress my leg. We had been conditioned to baby it. Although I have always been active there was the underlying fear of injuring that leg.

I lived my life like that for 30 years, always with the shadow of this lump on my leg changing into something frightening but trying to be thankful that I didn’t have cancer. I couldn’t help praying from time to time for the tumor to just go away. What do you do with heartfelt unanswered prayers? Personally, I kept putting the issue back on the shelf since I had no answers then taking it back down again from time to time. Then one day something strange happened. I developed this unexplainable desire to run.

For two years I tried to be happy with just hiking and biking and long walks, but the desire to run would not leave. Finally, I decided I would actually join a running club and just see how things went. By that May I participated in my first 5K. I felt so elated when I crossed that finish line. First that I didn’t embarrass myself by collapsing but also that I had actually managed to do what I thought I would never be able to do. Run.

I often think of Paul in the Bible. His words often speak straight to my heart. This tumor was just one of many thorns that God has not removed from my life.  In learning to run there have been so many life lessons I have observed. First, it was struggling through those beginning miles about endurance and determination and that it is still okay to have dreams and go after them. I have learned that life is so much like running. There is pain. You have to learn what to work through and what to avoid. I have learned that sometimes it is frightening and overwhelming, but the rewards, in the end, are great. God did not remove this tumor, though I was faithful in prayer. He chose to show me through this tumor that with Him, I could conquer a long ingrained fear. His grace really is enough.

I don’t take for granted that I will always be able to run. With each run, I am ever aware that it might be my last. But that last is not today. Today, I run.

Heavenly Father, I stand amazed at grace. Instead of removing a deeply ingrained fear, You choose to help me work through it enabling me to be able to dream bigger. I thank You for Your plans for me to prosper. I thank You for giving me hope and a future. Amen.

“So then, from this point on we won’t recognize people by human standards. Even though we used to know Christ by human standards, that isn’t how we know him now. So then, if anyone is in Christ, that person is part of the new creation. The old things have gone away, and look, new things have arrived!  All of these new things are from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and who gave us the ministry of reconciliation. In other words, God was reconciling the world to himself through Christ, by not counting people’s sins against them. He has trusted us with this message of reconciliation. So we are ambassadors who represent Christ. God is negotiating with you through us. We beg you as Christ’s representatives, “Be reconciled to God!” God caused the one who didn’t know sin to be sin for our sake so that through him we could become the righteousness of God.” ~Cor 15:16-21 (CEB)

“Thomas Merton insists that there is no union with God without transformation. Paradoxically, the person who has struggled with personal transformation and become psychologically stronger is the person who can be empty and receptive before God. It is the prepared personality that is less resistant to God’s love. This vulnerability is an act of strength, since we no longer need to hold tightly to a false self that protects us from our inner pain and fears. We are free at last. We can surrender to God, who is everywhere and always present, and can actively respond as the occasion requires. We have the ease to rest in God in whom we have been found.” ~From “Participating in the New Creation” by Mary Conrow Coelho in The Weavings Reader

Heavenly Father, may I this day be an empty vessel receptive to Your love. May I find myself vulnerable to you so that I may find freedom and rest. Amen.

I rejoiced with those who said to me,

“Let’s go to the LORD’s house!”

Now our feet are standing in your gates, Jerusalem!

Jerusalem is built like a city joined together in unity.

That is where the tribes go up— the LORD’s tribes!

It is the law for Israel to give thanks there to the LORD’s name,

because the thrones of justice are there—

the thrones of the house of David!

Pray that Jerusalem has peace:

“Let those who love you have rest.

Let there be peace on your walls;

let there be rest on your fortifications.”

For the sake of my family and friends, I say,

“Peace be with you, Jerusalem.”

For the sake of the LORD our God’s house

I will pray for your good.

~Psalm 122 (CEB)

“The goal of the Christian life is union with Christ, but such union is only dimly and occasionally realized in this life by most of us. Nevertheless, the pilgrimage toward the goal is one of joyful discovery that Christ is with us whether or not we realize that presence. We are given new opportunities for relationships with others along the way. We find new possibilities within us that we had not thought possible. The adventure of the Christian life is one that demands all we can give it. But the testimony of the ages is that the goal of the adventure is well worth the struggle. The hungry heart of the pilgrim is fed along the way.” ~From Reformed Spirituality by Howard L. Rice.

Heavenly Father, as I travel ever closer I thank you for those whom I have met along the way. I thank you for Christ presence ever within me and for new possibilities ever on the horizon. Amen.