Equilibrium

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Just like a deer that craves streams of water, my whole being craves you, God. My whole being thirsts for God, for the living God. When will I come and see God’s face? My tears have been my food both day and night, as people constantly questioned me, “Where’s your God now?” But I remember these things as I bare my soul: how I made my way to the mighty one’s abode, to God’s own house, with joyous shouts and thanksgiving songs— a huge crowd celebrating the festival! Why, I ask myself, are you so depressed? Why are you so upset inside? Hope in God! Because I will again give him thanks, my saving presence and my God. My whole being is depressed. That’s why I remember you from the land of Jordan and Hermon, from Mount Mizar. Deep called to deep at the noise of your waterfalls; all your massive waves surged over me. By day the LORD commands his faithful love; by night his song is with me— a prayer to the God of my life. I will say to God, my solid rock, “Why have you forgotten me? Why do I have to walk around, sad, oppressed by enemies?” With my bones crushed, my foes make fun of me, constantly questioning me: “Where’s your God now?” Why, I ask myself, are you so depressed? Why are you so upset inside? Hope in God! Because I will again give him thanks, my saving presence and my God. ~Psalm 42

If I am not careful my desire for equilibrium can become an idolatrous attempt to deny a large part of what life is about. Messages I receive from the world around me tell me that there is something wrong with me if things are out of kilter and that life is meant to be lived on a plateau of happiness. Advertising sends messages that if only we buy this product or that product all my needs and longings will be satisfied. But if I turn to my Bible instead, to find answers for my restlessness, I find that the psalms show that this kind of thinking is a lie. I should boldly deal with life as it really is seeking out God for my balance and harmony.

Life is not meant to glide along always so smoothly for then I would forget to question. Without question, I do not seek out answers. Who am I? How am I to respond to the all-encompassing power of God? Without the questions I would not know that God is behind, in front, and above, laying a hand upon the one who feels searched out and known. Without the questions I would not know of an omnipresent Creator nor would I see Him as reality.

In my questions, I find myself on holy ground, and as I allow myself to be held in that moment of awareness, I must respond with what is truly in my heart. I tell God that I am afraid, uncertain, relieved filled with gratitude or a longing for more. It is in these stirred up moments that deepest part of me finds the depths of a living God.

Heavenly Father I know that it is in the valleys and mountain tops of life that I will find myself closest to you. Only You can touch the deepest parts of my heart. As I travel through this day may I feel your hand on me. Amen.

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