Redefinition

Simon Peter told them, “I’m going fishing.” They said, “We’ll go with you”. They set out in a boat, but throughout the night they caught nothing. Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples didn’t realize it was Jesus. Jesus called to them, “Children, have you caught anything to eat?” They answered him, “No.” He said, “Cast your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” So they did, and there were so many fish that they couldn’t haul in the net. Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It’s the Lord!” When Simon Peter heard it was the Lord, he wrapped his coat around himself (for he was naked) and jumped into the water. The other disciples followed in the boat, dragging the net full of fish, for they weren’t far from shore, only about one hundred yards. When they landed, they saw a fire there, with fish on it, and some bread. Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish that you’ve just caught.” Simon Peter got up and pulled the net to shore. It was full of large fish, one hundred fifty-three of them. Yet the net hadn’t torn, even with so many fish. Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” None of the disciples could bring themselves to ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord. Jesus came, took the bread, and gave it to them. He did the same with the fish. ~John 21:3-13 (CEB)

For three years Peter spent his time with Jesus. He was even one of his most sacred, hand-picked inner circle. He was not just a disciple but a friend. But in one moment he goes from over reacting and attacking a guard  in his anger to denying Jesus three times in panic. To fall so far.In Peters confusion he returns to his old way of living.  Its not that his past life was wrong, it’s that he forgot the truths that he had learned at Jesus feet. Peter had gone to a dark, unwelcoming place.  Jesus was crucified before he had a chance to reconcile.  No opportunity to right the wrong. No space for an explanation. With  his confidence shattered he goes back to the life he had had before.

The night of fishing lacked it’s previous satisfaction, but the dawn of a new day brings with it new mercies. The man who should be dead stands on the shore. After asking about their success from the night’s fishing and telling them to cast their nets on the other side John turns to Peter saying,  “It’s the Lord.” Peter, the one who had failed Jesus the most can’t wait for the boat to reach the shore. He jumps in and starts swimming.

I too find myself at times confused as to what Christ has called me to do. In my panic I find myself in old habits. In my anxieties I find myself returning to my old way of life. When I find myself where I don’t want to be I remember what Jesus told Peter before all this took place. “You will be sifted, when you return to me help your brothers. When you find your way again share the good news.” Jesus came looking for Peter in his old way of life,  not to  ask why or tell him he must earn his favor back, but to remind Peter who he was.

My failures do not define me. In Christ, my failures can redefine me. Jesus comes looking for me and calls me to a greater task. Fear can no longer define me.  Love must prevail.

I am thankful Lord that when I find myself fishing again, you come to the shore to find me. Thank you for always seeking me out to remind me who I am. Amen.

Transformation

“So then, from this point on we won’t recognize people by human standards. Even though we used to know Christ by human standards, that isn’t how we know him now. So then, if anyone is in Christ, that person is part of the new creation. The old things have gone away, and look, new things have arrived!  All of these new things are from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and who gave us the ministry of reconciliation. In other words, God was reconciling the world to himself through Christ, by not counting people’s sins against them. He has trusted us with this message of reconciliation. So we are ambassadors who represent Christ. God is negotiating with you through us. We beg you as Christ’s representatives, “Be reconciled to God!” God caused the one who didn’t know sin to be sin for our sake so that through him we could become the righteousness of God.” ~Cor 15:16-21 (CEB)

“Thomas Merton insists that there is no union with God without transformation. Paradoxically, the person who has struggled with personal transformation and become psychologically stronger is the person who can be empty and receptive before God. It is the prepared personality that is less resistant to God’s love. This vulnerability is an act of strength, since we no longer need to hold tightly to a false self that protects us from our inner pain and fears. We are free at last. We can surrender to God, who is everywhere and always present, and can actively respond as the occasion requires. We have the ease to rest in God in whom we have been found.” ~From “Participating in the New Creation” by Mary Conrow Coelho in The Weavings Reader

Heavenly Father, may I this day be an empty vessel receptive to Your love. May I find myself vulnerable to you so that I may find freedom and rest. Amen.

Thirsty?

Whoever drinks from the water that I will give will never be thirsty again. The water that I give will become in those who drink it a spring of water that bubbles up into eternal life. ~John4:14 (CEB)

We were created with a longing for the Creator. This desire to know and be known by the One who made us and loves us can often be overlook, denied and buried under an avalanche of personal pursuits and interests. This thirst can go unnoticed for a long time, but then some event in life invites or forces us to pause. When we pause we find rushing towards us an awareness that something is missing. A deep longing or desire takes up residence and when it is filled with God we know that real life is impossible without the companionship of the One who first gave us that gift of life and who sustained us all along, even when we were unaware. We know for certain that we need living water; we need what only Jesus came into the world to give us if we are to really live.

What is my part is all of this? My part is to recognize the deep need for God that resides within me and to offer a space in my heart for God. My soul thirsts for God! The good news I find is that through Jesus Christ my thirst can be satisfied!

Heavenly Father, I recognize this deep desire within my that longs for You. Today and every day I invite you to live within me.  Fill my heart so full that it overflows and cannot be contained. May I then turn to another empty heart and share what spills out. Amen.

Repentance

After John was arrested, Jesus came into Galilee announcing God’s good news, saying, “Now is the time! Here comes God’s kingdom! Change your hearts and lives, and trust this good news!” ~Mark 1:14-15 (CEB)

“Repentance… requires two things: humility and trust. Repentance requires the humility involved in the confession that I am a sinner, one whose life is not whole and who lacks the power both to find either the direction to wholeness or the resources for wholeness on my own. Repentance requires trust in a power that can and will ultimately sustain and establish me if I let go of myself into that power’s hands. Without both trust and humility, repentance is impossible.” ~From Vision and Character by Craig R. Dykstra

The good news is I can repent. I can turn away from whatever keeps me from God and from living within God’s reign. Repenting though is not always easy. When I repent, or turn my life in another direction, it requires my will, effort and faith as I call on God to supply the strength I need. But Jesus promises the power and presence to enable me to live the good life that will be in harmony with God.

Heavenly Father, I seem to get so distracted with things. I keep so busy that I lose track of You. I thank You for new beginnings. Help me start anew this day. Amen.

Chasms

Who will separate us from Christ’s love? Will we be separated by trouble, or distress, or harassment, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? …. But in all these things we win a sweeping victory through the one who loved us. I’m convinced that nothing can separate us from God’s love in Christ Jesus our Lord: not death or life, not angels or rulers, not present things or future things, not powers or height or depth, or any other thing that is created. ~Romans 8: 35-39 (CEB)

For someone who keeps trying-hard to live right, these verses can sometimes be hard to swallow. Why? Well when you think that by trying-hard you can succeed, it is hard to believe that God loves you no matter how hard you try… or how little you try.  When life is going well and I think I have everything under control it is easy to believe that God loves me. Why not? I have tried so hard to be what I think He wants me to be. But as long as I have gained my approval from God in my own try-hard way I worry that if I stop trying-hard will God’s love slip away?

Then there are those times when I have failed miserably at trying hard. The harder I try the worse things seems to go. At these times I find comfort in these words. “You love me anyway? Despite the trouble I have caused or the danger I keep finding myself in?”

Nothing can separate me from God. I already have his approval. This approval from God is beyond my control. Whether I try with all my might or I do not try at all. God’s love is always there.

I can’t help thinking about a conversation I had with my son when he was small. He wanted to know if there was anything he could do that would cause me to stop loving him. He named all sorts of horrible things. Not clean his room, run away from home, spill milk all over the kitchen floor. Then he thought of the ultimate. “What if I killed someone mom, would you still love me then?” *sigh* “Yes, I would still love you, but I would be really, really sad.”

God loves us no matter what we do or don’t do. But I do think there are times that He is really, really sad at the way we are living. I think He may even be sad when He sees me trying so hard wishing I only knew that He loves me no matter what.

Heavenly Father, I thank You for Your word that reminds me of Your love. Guide me through this day. Remind me that I don’t have to try to win Your love. Help my heart to feel Your presence already living in me. Amen.

Falling

I assure you that unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it can only be a single seed. But if it dies, it bears much fruit. Those who love their lives will lose them, and those who hate their lives in this world will keep them forever. ~John 12:24-25

In John 12:24, Jesus says that unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains alone and useless. There is a promise of life inside the shell but when life is held closely in control it cannot flourish. We assume letting go is a sign of weakness. We cannot see the promise waiting to get out. Only when we get to the point where we are ready to surrender and give up the try-hard life can we begin to find true life.

As long as we try to hold onto our self-sufficiency we are living a less-than life. Although Jesus accepts us as we are he never wants to leave us where he finds us. He knows what self-sufficiency does to our soul. It slowly eats away at it bit by bit. Jesus likes to bring us to the edge of our self-sufficiency and urges us to fall down to the ground in surrender. There on the ground can the kernel of wheat soak in the life sustaining water to soften the outer-shell.  As the shell softens it breaks and light and nutrients find their way in to the heart causing new life bursts forth.

For a long time the meaning of these verses remained just beyond my understanding. I would read this scripture and almost understand, but I was not ready to give up my self-sufficiency. It was too frightening. Dying in any form is not very appealing. Besides I had relied on myself for a very long time.

Only when I felt that I no longer was capable of controlling my life that I let go and let God take over the control. I realized I couldn’t, that only God could and finally one day I decided that I would begin to let Him.  There is freedom and life in the letting. When I found that I didn’t have to be so tough I found light begin to fill my heart; with light came hope; and with hope came a new life, one where I had true freedom to be me.

Heavenly Father, I thank You for Your complete acceptance. I thank You for never leaving me the way You have found me, always pushing me to be more. I thank You for pushing me out of worshiping self so that I could truly understand who I really am as Your beloved child. I thank You for the freedom I have through You. Amen.

Dreams

Once the council members heard these words, they were enraged and began to grind their teeth at Stephen. But Stephen, enabled by the Holy Spirit, stared into heaven and saw God’s majesty and Jesus standing at God’s right side. He exclaimed, “Look! I can see heaven on display and the Human One standing at God’s right side!” At this, they shrieked and covered their ears. Together, they charged at him, threw him out of the city, and began to stone him. The witnesses placed their coats in the care of a young man named Saul. As they battered him with stones, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, accept my life!” Falling to his knees, he shouted, “Lord, don’t hold this sin against them!” Then he died. Saul was in full agreement with Stephen’s murder. Acts 7:54-8:1 (CEB)

Paul did not want to be an apostle to the Gentiles. He wanted to be a clever Jewish Scholar. I bet he even dreamed of it when he was younger. How he would impress others by his obedience to and knowledge of the Law. Maybe at Stephen’s stoning Paul saw his opportunity to make his dreams happen. But dreams are not God given if they come at the cost of the lives of others.

I had a dream, to be a famous artist. Through high school I usually placed in contests that I entered. I even won an award my Freshman year of college, “Freshman with the Most Potential to Succeed.” I am sure my professors felt that by now they would be hearing great things about me in the art world.

Sometimes our childhood dreams are not the best dreams for us. When the disappointment has passed we can discover that God has planted new dreams in our hearts. Dreams that we can be just as passionate about as the dreams we dreamed as youth. It can be hard to let go of the dreams of childhood, but if we can open our hearts to hear God’s will we can find that our dreams have been restored in something better.

Did Paul have to give up his knowledge of the Law? No. But God wanted him to use his knowledge in a different way. His knowledge was never intended to impress others but to win souls for Christ. It was Paul’s passion that God wanted to use.

Heaven Father, I thank You for new dreams you have placed in my heart. May I always be passionate for You. Amen.

Do you want to get well?

A certain man was there who had been sick for thirty- eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there, knowing that he had already been there a long time, he asked him, “ Do you want to get well?” The sick man answered him, “Sir, I don’t have anyone who can put me in the water when it is stirred up. When I’m trying to get to it, someone else has gotten in ahead of me.” Jesus said to him, “ Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” Immediately the man was well, and he picked up his mat and walked. Now that day was the Sabbath.~John 5:5-9 (CEB)

“Do you want to get well?” These words always jump out at me.  Who wouldn’t wasn’t to get well? Thirty-eight years is a long time to be unwell.  After such a long time you might get used to being sick, and developed some strong bad habits that keep you sick. After closer inspection I am forced to ask, do I really want to get well? Sometimes I am so attached to my illness (or my addiction) that I prefer being sick. It has become comfortable. Or it could be the crutch I use to hide.

God doesn’t bring healing unless I want to be whole. I am asked to be part of the healing process. Even in miraculous healing I am expected to participate in the process. The mental desire to be well must shift to a physical act. I am asked to walk through the doors of healing.

If I am to be well I must be careful that my time is not spent in the waiting to be healed. Do I lists reasons why I can’t get well? Do I blame my circumstances? Do I blame the people around me? Am I hanging out with others who are sick as well?

I can blame my circumstances or I can allow the healing waters inside of me to be stirred. In the getting up and rolling up my mat healing can occur.

Heavenly Father, stir the waters in my heart. Give me enough strength for this day to live healthy. Bring me one day closer to complete healing.  Amen.

Forgiveness

Then Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, how many times should I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Should I forgive as many as seven times?” Jesus said, “Not just seven times, but rather as many as seventy- seven times. -Matthew 18:22-23 (CEB)

 

“Community is not possible with out the willingness to forgive one another”seventy times seven”. Forgiveness is the cement of community life.  Forgiveness holds us together through good times and bad times, and allows us to grow in mutual love…

To forgive a person from the heart is an act of liberation. We set that person free from the negative bonds that exist between us. We say, “I no longer hold your offense against you.” But there is more. Were also free ourselves from the burden of being the”offended one.” As long as we do not forgive those who have wounded us, we carry them with us or, pull them as a heavy load. The great temptation is to cling in anger to our enemies and then define ourselves as being offended and wounded by them. Forgiveness, therefore, liberates not only the other but also ourselves. It is the way to the freedom of the children of God.” -From Bread for the Journey,  by Henri Nouwen

Forgiveness may be the number one reason that keeps us from living free. It is hard to extend forgiveness to those who have failed us. Especially when they have failed us again, and again… and again. Sometimes I find myself asking,  “God,  just how often should I forgive?” His reply is, “Every time.”

I know forgiveness sets me free.  But this is one area I seem to struggle with on a regular basis especially when it deals with something I want changed and promises have been made and changes don’t come… or come as soon as I would like. But in the quiet of the night, when I am receptive again to God’s voice, I hear whispered in my ear, “Every time.”

Heavenly Father, I thank you for the countless times You have forgiven me. Give me the strength today to forgive again and every time. Amen.

The well

The woman said, “I know that the Messiah is coming, the one who is called the Christ. When he comes, he will teach everything to us.”  Jesus said to her, “I Am—the one who speaks with you.” … The woman put down her water jar and went into the city. She said to the people, “Come and see a man who has told me everything I’ve done! Could this man be the Christ?” They left the city and were on their way to see Jesus. ~John 4:25-30 (CEB)

What was the woman at the well needing? Healing, love, closure. What was it that Jesus was offering her at the well? Real love.  Not temporary, momentary love, but deep lasting love that could satisfy her for all time. She had tried to heal her broken heart, one messed up relationship at a time. Jesus gets right to the heart of the matter. “Where have you been looking for love?” In all the wrong places.

There is no condemnation in Jesus’ questions. Without addressing the hard questions healing cannot happen. “Come to me “, is his reply, “I can give you that true love you long for. Come to me and you will never be hungry or thirsty again. Come to me and I will heal your broken heart.” No matter what we are broken from aren’t these words that need to be heard?

What was the response the woman had to Jesus’ words? She immediately went to tell others what she had found. She wanted to share the good news. She went back to the same people who had probably been critical of her situation. The same people who probably didn’t know that underneath the behavior was deep pain. The woman at the well had found healing, closure and a new life. She was unable to contain the news. It bubbled up from her.

When we look to heal our brokenness on our own or through someone else, we find ourselves going again and again to the wrong places. There is only one Source. When healing is found and joy is complete we find we can’t keep this miracle to our self.  Good news must be shared even to the ones who never understood our pain.

Heavenly father, I thank You for giving me a real love that touches the depth of my soul. I thank You that healing can happen when I take the time to ask the tough questions. Amen.

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