Pieces of the Puzzle

Psalm 139

¹ You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand —
    when I awake, I am still with you.

I Thank You this day for knowing me inside out, Lord. I treasure Your knowledge of me. I thank You that when I come to the end of this day, You will still be here with me. Amen

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words. And God, who searches the heart, knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. ~Rom 8: 26-27 (NRSV)

Have you ever found yourself in a place where words just seem too insignificant for what you are feeling?

When I know I should pray, but the words won’t come, when I want to cry out to God but all that surfaces is this welling up from inside of me, I am confident that God even knows these prayers. The comfort I receive in my darkest hours is knowing that even though I may not know how to pray, the Spirit- God’s Spirit will pray for me. In my weakness; God himself prays for me.

On the days when fear raises its ugly head, when life doesn’t go the way I planned, when I think I am alone in my struggles, I take a deep *sigh* and I am reminded that God’s Spirit is deep within me sighing too. Saying what I can’t. In my sigh I lift up my eyes and say “You know my heart God. You know when I lie down and when I get up. You know that I don’t have strength for this day.” My hands are not lifted because I give up. My hands are lifted because I surrender to the One who knows all my tomorrows and has my best interest in mind.

Romans 8:24-25 says, “We were saved in hope. If we see what we hope for, that isn’t hope. Who hopes for what they already see? But if we hope for what we don’t see, we wait for it with patience.” Because of my hope I looked upward. My hope saves me. I hope for what isn’t right now. I hope for the possibilities of what might be. Against all hope I wait patiently… and when I can’t hope anymore the Spirit prays for me.

When I am weak I am strong because it is God’s strength that works in me (2 Cor. 12:10). When I don’t have the strength or enough hope to lift up a prayer His Spirit prays my prayer.

So I sigh again Lord. Every breath I breathe is from You. Your breath flows through me. You sustain me. You shield me. You love me like no one else can. I know You hold me in Your hands. My hope is in You. Amen. 

The Lord God’s spirit is upon me,

because the Lord has anointed me.
He has sent me
to bring good news to the poor,
to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim release for captives,
and liberation for prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and a day of vindication for our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
to provide for Zion’s mourners,
to give them a crown in place of ashes,
oil of joy in place of mourning,
a mantle of praise in place of discouragement.
They will be called Oaks of Righteousness,
planted by the Lord to glorify himself.
 They will rebuild the ancient ruins;
they will restore formerly deserted places;
they will renew ruined cities,
places deserted in generations past. ~ Isaiah 61:1-4 (CEB)

Let’s face it, living hurts. No matter how carefully we try to move through this life, even the most careful person WILL GET HURT. If you think you are the only person who has ever been hurt look carefully in the eyes of the people you meet and you can see that there under the surface they hurt too. Oh, the pain that has been inflicted on them may be from a different source or go by a different name but everyone has experienced hurt.

We don’t have to stay in our pain. God wants to move us to a new place. He has a promise of a better life for each one of us. Henri J. M. Nouwen in his book, Bread for the Journey says this, “Nobody escapes being wounded.  We all are wounded people, whether physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually.   The main question is not ‘How can we hide our wounds?’ so we don’t have to be embarrassed, but ‘How can we put our woundedness in the service of others?’  When our wounds cease to be a source of shame, and become a source of healing, we have become wounded healers.

Jesus is God’s wounded healer: through his wounds, we are healed.  Jesus’ suffering and death brought joy and life.  His humiliation brought glory; his rejection brought a community of love.  As followers of Jesus, we can also allow our wounds to bring healing to others.”

Now it is not our first instinct to go out sharing our hurts with other people. Our first instinct when we have been hurt is to hide what has happened. Our initial smiles despite the pain become a permanent mask instead of a temporary shield to get us through the moment. Before we know it we stop searching for understanding, our pain becomes a prison and we are bound and chained to what we do not want to be. It is what we” know” and so we hold onto those chains as tightly as they hold onto us.

“The beautiful thing is we don’t have to stay in our chains, we don’t have to live behind masks and we don’t have to pretend to be strong. We can have real life. “We have a God who knows what it is to sacrifice. Christ became weak and vulnerable, releasing his right to be strong. He was exposed, releasing his right to hide. He was disrespected, releasing his right to a good reputation. He forgave, releasing the right to take offense. He was rejected, humbled, and emptied. He gave up his life in order to give it to you.

When you let go of those things you have let define you all your life, you will not be left with nothing. The story of redemption and healing is that Jesus came to exchange my not-good-enough with his better-than-I-ever-could-imagine. He came to trade my life for his, my weak for his strong, my ashes for his beauty.” (Grace for the Good Girl, by Emily P. Freeman)

Being defined by my hurts is not really living. Taking down my mask and finding my definition though Christ gives me a freedom to be me. When it is safe to be me I am able to lift my head up and look into the eyes around me and I find that I am not as alone as I once thought.

Heavenly Father, Thank You for sending Christ into the world so that through his sacrifice I can find peace and joy. Thank you for making it safe to be me, for bringing me out of the darkness and into Your light of Truth. Amen.

The apostles gathered around Jesus, and told him all that they had done and taught. He said to them, “Come away to a deserted place all by yourselves and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat. And they went away in the boat to a deserted place by themselves. Now many saw them going and recognized them, and they hurried there on foot from all the towns and arrived ahead of them. As he went ashore, he saw a great crowd; and he had compassion for them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd; and he began to teach them many things… When they had crossed over, they came to land at Gennesaret and moored the boat. When they got out of the boat, people at once recognized him, and rushed about that whole region and began to bring the sick on mats to wherever they heard he was. And wherever he went, into villages or cities or farms, they laid the sick in the marketplaces, and begged him that they might touch even the fringe of his cloak; and all who touched it were healed.~ Mark 6:30-34,53-56 (NRSV)

Sometimes I forget how important those quiet moments away with Jesus really are. Jesus knows that His disciples are grieving, confused, tired, worried, scared…and His comfort to them is to “Come away with Me….”

Life can be so chaotic. In my busy-ness I begin to worry and fret. I’m tired… sometimes I am so spiritually exhausted – physically, emotionally, and spiritually, so bone-weary. At times I feel pulled in so many directions. The more tired I get the less clear I am able to think which induces more tiredness and soon I am spiraling out of control. What do I need most at this time? Rest and quiet!

A quiet place and rest? Well, where I am in life a quiet place away just seems like a wishful thought. When I do find those quiet, restful moments, they are often laced with guilt of all that I should be doing. If I don’t take the time to rest I quickly find myself back in the place where I begin to rely on my own strength and will power. If I don’t take time with God I forget quickly where my real source of power and strength lie.

What I need most is the presence of God. Before I reach the point of exhaustion I need to carve out space to let God speak directly to my heart. Food and rest revive my body but they are just not enough to revive my spirit. Jesus didn’t just tell his disciples to go away to a quiet place, but he called them to be with him. Getting away wasn’t enough. Resting and being alone wouldn’t rekindle their spirit for service. Only the presence of the Lord can renew, restore, revitalize, reinvigorate and re-establish my spirit.

No matter how much I may long to, I cannot stay in this quiet place. There is work to be done. The disciples and Jesus didn’t stay away. A time of rest and rejuvenation is important but there is still work to be done. Examples of Moses and Elijah getting away to the mountain for time with God show us how beneficial it was to go up to the mountain and spend time with Him but there always came the time to come back down from the mountain and continue on in the work they were called to do. Time with God is meant to give me the strength to go about my work, it is not meant to be a permanent hiding place.

Heavenly Father, I thank you for quiet moments and mountain top experiences that remind me who I am and Whose I am. I thank you for renewal, restoration, revitalization and re-establishing Your spirit within me. Amen.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against things like this. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified self with its passions and its desires. If we live by the Spirit, let’s follow the Spirit. ~Gal. 5:22-25 (CEB)

Faith does not always come easy. Sometimes it comes after a long road of holding on to the “I can do it myself”, after a last- ditch effort at “self” control. Often faith doesn’t come until we have tried everything else. Am I trying to be who Jesus wants me to be or do I trust Jesus to be who he is in and through me?

Only Jesus can be Jesus. And he wants me to have faith to let him be himself through me. Galatians 5:25 says, “If we live by the Spirit, let’s follow the Spirit.” A few years ago there was a catch phrase, WWJD, “what would Jesus do?” Without relying on the Spirit to work through me this quickly becomes about my performance. But if through my faith, his spirit lives in me then I will see the fruit of the spirit begin to show through me. We will know we are living by the Spirit when we see “…love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self- control.” (Gal 5:22-23)

Receiving faith does not happen automatically in the life of a believer. To live by faith I have to get rid of the “try hard life” and experience the truth of what it means to let his spirit flow through me. I need to let the peace of Christ rule my heart. By opening my hands to let Jesus work through me I am able to watch with hopeful expectation letting peace do peace-like work.

Heavenly Father, I want to do your will. I try so hard yet it seems that I am always falling short of what I think should happen. Help me to let go and let You work through me. Through me let Your love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control shine. Amen.

God heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. ~Psalms 147:3 (CEB)

In our relationships with each other, we find ourselves doing that we wish we would not and saying that which we should not. Part of learning and growing is working through our differences and learning tolerance. Part of living is learning to forgive each other. I am always floored by the wise words of Henri J. M. Nouwen. This excerpt from his book Bread for the Journey is so insightful,

“‘Time heals,’ people often say.  This is not true when it means that we will eventually forget the wounds inflicted on us and be able to live on as if nothing happened.  That is not really healing; it is simply ignoring reality.  But when the expression “time heals” means that faithfulness in a difficult relationship can lead us to a deeper understanding of the ways we have hurt each other, then there is much truth in it.  ‘Time heals’ implies not passively waiting but actively working with our pain and trusting in the possibility of forgiveness and reconciliation.”

Living in this reality that is mine is not always easy. Sometimes I take things out on the ones I am not angry with. May I always be “big enough” to admit when I am wrong and take responsibility for my part. May I always be willing to actively work through the pain in search of understanding. May I always be willing to trust in the possibility of forgiveness even when it is for me.

Grant me this day Heavenly Father, a strength that takes me outside myself to see and understand the truth in my reality. Only You can equip me with that strength and will make my way perfect (Psalm 18:32). Amen.

The peace of Christ must control your hearts—a peace into which you were called in one body. And be thankful people. The word of Christ must live in you richly. Teach and warn each other with all wisdom by singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. Sing to God with gratitude in your hearts. Whatever you do, whether in speech or action, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus and give thanks to God the Father through him. ~Col 3:14-17 (CEB)

Once we know what the truth is, we have to let it take hold. I know that I am a child of God (truth) now I need to act like I am a child of God. If I am a child of God then I need to let him rule. Under his rule, he offers us peace

There was a time that I thought peace to be those quiet snatches of time, sitting on my porch swing when the temperature is just cool enough to want to wrap my hands around my mug of coffee while the sweet smell of jasmine drifted around me. If you didn’t notice there are a lot of conditions to my picture of peace. All it takes to destroy the moment is for my son to open the back door and ask me to help him with a math problem.

God’s peace is not determined by the moment alone, the porch swing, the right temperature or on the smell of jasmine close by. The peace that God offers still exists despite the conditions we might find ourselves in. The truth is that peace is always here for us. We have to let it take a hold

Colossians says to let peace rule in my heart. When I play the game of “what-if” I miss out on the freedom of letting peace rule. When I play the game of “if-only” I allow a battle to ensue between two parties. Emily P. Freeman in her book Grace for the Good Girl: Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life says it this way,

“There is indeed a controversy between two parties: my flesh and my spirit, the lies and the truth, the fake and the real, the mask and the Savior. Peace stands between them, looks me straight in the eye, and asks permission to do what peace does best: give rest. God offers his peace to act as my umpire, to release me from having to be the authority and keep it together. But I have to let peace be peaceful inside of me. It is not an easy thing to do, to quiet the voices of the accusing party and to allow peace to have the authority. If I will let it, the peace of Christ will stand between me and the lies of my enemy, the lies that accuse and attack and shame.”

I want that peace that passes all understanding (Phil 4:7), to find myself in peace despite my circumstances. How do I allow peace to work in my life? Through Christian fellowship and support; through scripture and songs; through gratitude for what God has already done in my life. All these things remind me of who I am and whose I am. I am a child of God.

In God, whose word I praise. I trust in God; I won’t be afraid. What can mere flesh do to me? ~Psalm 56:4

Make your ways known to me, LORD; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth—teach it to me— because you are the God who saves me. I put my hope in you all day long. Amen. (Psalms 25:4-5 CEB)

All God’s words are tried and true; a shield for those who take refuge in him. ~Proverbs 30:5

Often we know a truth in our head before we are able to feel it in our heart. God knows we need places to hide. Not the masks of “I have it all together” but a shield of “I know I don’t have it all together but I know the One who does”. It seems the psalms are riddled with poetic lines that sing of safe places of rest, shields from the troubles that surround at all sides.

But you, Lord, are my shield! You are my glory! You are the one who restores me. ~Psalm 3:3

God is my shield; he saves those whose heart is right. ~Psalm 7:10

The Lord is my solid rock, my fortress, my rescuer. My God is my rock— I take refuge in him!— he’s my shield, my salvation’s strength, my place of safety. ~Psalm 18:2

God! His way is perfect; the Lord’s word is tried and true. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. ~Psalm 18:30

You’ve given me the shield of your salvation; your strong hand has supported me; your help has made me great. ~Psalm 18:35

The Lord is a sun and shield; God is favor and glory. The Lord gives—doesn’t withhold!—good things to those who walk with integrity. ~Psalm 84:11

God will protect you with his pinions; you’ll find refuge under his wings. His faithfulness is a protective shield. ~Psalm 91:4

God is my loyal one, my fortress, my place of safety, my rescuer, my shield, in whom I take refuge, and the one who subdues people before me. ~Psalm 144:2

This Shield protects us while we figure out how to move on in our journey. It protects us as we try to move on in our lives. Life happens, someone dies, tragedy strikes, illness occurs, a court decision doesn’t go the way we think it should, a spouse falls back into addiction, a child has been arrested. God wants to provide us with a safe place while we struggle with questions of why and how to continue on. God gives us a resting place in him while we struggle with learning the Truths and until we are able to embrace them

How do you continue forward when your heart is breaking? I have asked this a lot… Maybe it is in the little things: a smile at my son when I feel like crying, a walk with my husband though I want to be alone, a laugh with my daughter when there is so much to do, a cup of coffee with a friend despite a busy schedule, reading my Bible even though I am mad at God… Maybe it is in the daily tasks: of doing laundry when I’d rather stay in bed, fixing my hair when I’d rather put it in a ponytail, cooking a meal when I’d rather not eat, dusting when I’d rather just read… It amazes me how much better I feel after doing these simple acts of life.

God shields my heart wile I go through the act of living until it feels right again, one smile at a time, one task at a time, a gift of normalcy not meant to be a burden but a way for us to carry on. We are supposed to ever move on. It is the nature of living.

Heavenly Father, shield my heart this day as I take this day one step at a time. I thank you for Your love and peace that passes my present understanding. Be with me in all I do and say this day, may it ever be a reflection of Your love to those I meet. Amen.

I’m completing it with a secret plan that has been hidden for ages and generations but which has now been revealed to his holy people. God wanted to make the glorious riches of this secret plan known among the Gentiles, which is Christ living in you, the hope of glory. This is what we preach as we warn and teach every person with all wisdom so that we might present each one mature in Christ. I work hard and struggle for this goal with his energy, which works in me powerfully. ~Col 1:26-30 (CEB)

Life is full of choices. One choice that I must make as I learn more and more about what Christ’s sacrifice for me really means is whether I am going to live out of self, that mask of false identity, or am I going to live from my spirit, my true identity, my freedom. It comes down to whether I want to choose to let fear dominate or to let peace reign.

When fear and anxiety come walking in my backdoor I know I have been relying on my “self” again. Living in peace is a daily choice that I must actively seek each and every day, sometimes moment by moment.

Before we learned about the life we can have through Christ we had no choice but to live behind the masks of our making. At one time this life was a mystery but Paul in Colossians 1: 26-27 says, “a secret plan that has been hidden for ages and generations but which has now been revealed to his holy people. God wanted to make the glorious riches of this secret plan known among the Gentiles, which is Christ living in you, the hope of glory.” Christ is the hope and glory that live in me.

Being a Christian is not choosing to live obedient to the law, this is just bondage to the “try-hard-life”. We are called to learn of this mystery of obedience to the truth. There is laboring but when Jesus calls us to take up his yoke he tells us his labor is not hard or forced. This labor promises to be new and light and joyous (Matt 11:30). We received him by faith now we need to also walk in faith.

There is a becoming that happens as we walk with Jesus but it isn’t under a system of achieving. That puts my achievement back on my “self” and away from what God can do through me. It is not by my energy that I strive to do the work of God but through His energy, which works in my powerfully (Col 1:30).

Heavenly Father, help me not to fall into the trap of the “try-hard-life”. Help me to always rely on Your strength and energy. May that work powerfully in me so that I may joyfully do Your will. Amen.

Jesus crossed the lake again, and on the other side a large crowd gathered around him on the shore. Jairus, one of the synagogue leaders, came forward. When he saw Jesus, he fell at his feet and pleaded with him, “My daughter is about to die. Please, come and place your hands on her so that she can be healed and live.” So Jesus went with him. A swarm of people were following Jesus, crowding in on him.  A woman was there who had been bleeding for twelve years. She had suffered a lot under the care of many doctors, and had spent everything she had without getting any better. In fact, she had gotten worse. Because she had heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his clothes. She was thinking, If I can just touch his clothes, I’ll be healed. Her bleeding stopped immediately, and she sensed in her body that her illness had been healed. At that very moment, Jesus recognized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and said, “Who touched my clothes?” His disciples said to him, “Don’t you see the crowd pressing against you? Yet you ask, ‘Who touched me?’” But Jesus looked around carefully to see who had done it. The woman, full of fear and trembling, came forward. Knowing what had happened to her, she fell down in front of Jesus and told him the whole truth. He responded, “Daughter, your faith has healed you; go in peace, healed from your disease.” ~Mark 5:21-34 (CEB)

There are times where we find ourselves completely powerless. In the beginning, we received sympathy and support but when things get drug out we find people starting to drift away and even begin to avoid us. We search many places looking for healing only to find no help. When we find ourselves alone after all we have done to try to heal ourselves we, like the woman who didn’t want to bring attention to her wounds, try to sneak in our healing. We want this to be just between us and God.

Jesus didn’t want the woman to remain behind her mask. If he allowed her healing to have remained secret she could not have been restored to the community. She would have remained taboo to her friends and family. Jesus wanted her community to see that she was healed and restored to wholeness. He wanted her to step out from behind her mask of sickness. He wanted her to be restored to Life.

There are times we feel that Jesus has passed us by when prayers have been sent up for healing. Maybe things don’t unfold as quickly as we wanted or through the means, we had envisioned. But we need to have the faith and hope of this woman. We need to be open to the possibilities.

Heavenly Father, when answers don’t come as quickly or in the way, I would like for them to come, please give me the strength to continue walking with faith and hope. May I have your strength to hold on until your healing comes. Amen.