Pieces of the Puzzle

After John was arrested, Jesus came into Galilee announcing God’s good news, saying, “Now is the time! Here comes God’s kingdom! Change your hearts and lives, and trust this good news!” ~Mark 1:14-15 (CEB)

“Repentance… requires two things: humility and trust. Repentance requires the humility involved in the confession that I am a sinner, one whose life is not whole and who lacks the power both to find either the direction to wholeness or the resources for wholeness on my own. Repentance requires trust in a power that can and will ultimately sustain and establish me if I let go of myself into that power’s hands. Without both trust and humility, repentance is impossible.” ~From Vision and Character by Craig R. Dykstra

The good news is I can repent. I can turn away from whatever keeps me from God and from living within God’s reign. Repenting though is not always easy. When I repent, or turn my life in another direction, it requires my will, effort and faith as I call on God to supply the strength I need. But Jesus promises the power and presence to enable me to live the good life that will be in harmony with God.

Heavenly Father, I seem to get so distracted with things. I keep so busy that I lose track of You. I thank You for new beginnings. Help me start anew this day. Amen.

Who will separate us from Christ’s love? Will we be separated by trouble, or distress, or harassment, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? …. But in all these things we win a sweeping victory through the one who loved us. I’m convinced that nothing can separate us from God’s love in Christ Jesus our Lord: not death or life, not angels or rulers, not present things or future things, not powers or height or depth, or any other thing that is created. ~Romans 8: 35-39 (CEB)

For someone who keeps trying-hard to live right, these verses can sometimes be hard to swallow. Why? Well when you think that by trying-hard you can succeed, it is hard to believe that God loves you no matter how hard you try… or how little you try.  When life is going well and I think I have everything under control it is easy to believe that God loves me. Why not? I have tried so hard to be what I think He wants me to be. But as long as I have gained my approval from God in my own try-hard way I worry that if I stop trying-hard will God’s love slip away?

Then there are those times when I have failed miserably at trying hard. The harder I try the worse things seems to go. At these times I find comfort in these words. “You love me anyway? Despite the trouble I have caused or the danger I keep finding myself in?”

Nothing can separate me from God. I already have his approval. This approval from God is beyond my control. Whether I try with all my might or I do not try at all. God’s love is always there.

I can’t help thinking about a conversation I had with my son when he was small. He wanted to know if there was anything he could do that would cause me to stop loving him. He named all sorts of horrible things. Not clean his room, run away from home, spill milk all over the kitchen floor. Then he thought of the ultimate. “What if I killed someone mom, would you still love me then?” *sigh* “Yes, I would still love you, but I would be really, really sad.”

God loves us no matter what we do or don’t do. But I do think there are times that He is really, really sad at the way we are living. I think He may even be sad when He sees me trying so hard wishing I only knew that He loves me no matter what.

Heavenly Father, I thank You for Your word that reminds me of Your love. Guide me through this day. Remind me that I don’t have to try to win Your love. Help my heart to feel Your presence already living in me. Amen.

I assure you that unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it can only be a single seed. But if it dies, it bears much fruit. Those who love their lives will lose them, and those who hate their lives in this world will keep them forever. ~John 12:24-25

In John 12:24, Jesus says that unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains alone and useless. There is a promise of life inside the shell but when life is held closely in control it cannot flourish. We assume letting go is a sign of weakness. We cannot see the promise waiting to get out. Only when we get to the point where we are ready to surrender and give up the try-hard life can we begin to find true life.

As long as we try to hold onto our self-sufficiency we are living a less-than life. Although Jesus accepts us as we are he never wants to leave us where he finds us. He knows what self-sufficiency does to our soul. It slowly eats away at it bit by bit. Jesus likes to bring us to the edge of our self-sufficiency and urges us to fall down to the ground in surrender. There on the ground can the kernel of wheat soak in the life sustaining water to soften the outer-shell.  As the shell softens it breaks and light and nutrients find their way into the heart causing new life bursts forth.

For a long time, the meaning of these verses remained just beyond my understanding. I would read this scripture and almost understand, but I was not ready to give up my self-sufficiency. It was too frightening. Dying in any form is not very appealing. Besides I had relied on myself for a very long time.

Only when I felt that I no longer was capable of controlling my life that I let go and let God take over the control. I realized I couldn’t, that only God could and finally one day I decided that I would begin to let Him.  There is freedom and life in the letting. When I found that I didn’t have to be so tough I found light begin to fill my heart; with light came hope; and with hope came a new life, one where I had true freedom to be me.

Heavenly Father, I thank You for Your complete acceptance. I thank You for never leaving me the way You have found me, always pushing me to be more. I thank You for pushing me out of worshiping self so that I could truly understand who I really am as Your beloved child. I thank You for the freedom I have through You. Amen.

Once the council members heard these words, they were enraged and began to grind their teeth at Stephen. But Stephen, enabled by the Holy Spirit, stared into heaven and saw God’s majesty and Jesus standing at God’s right side. He exclaimed, “Look! I can see heaven on display and the Human One standing at God’s right side!” At this, they shrieked and covered their ears. Together, they charged at him, threw him out of the city, and began to stone him. The witnesses placed their coats in the care of a young man named Saul. As they battered him with stones, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, accept my life!” Falling to his knees, he shouted, “Lord, don’t hold this sin against them!” Then he died. Saul was in full agreement with Stephen’s murder. Acts 7:54-8:1 (CEB)

Paul did not want to be an apostle to the Gentiles. He wanted to be a clever Jewish Scholar. I bet he even dreamed of it when he was younger. How he would impress others by his obedience to and knowledge of the Law. Maybe at Stephen’s stoning Paul saw his opportunity to make his dreams happen. But dreams are not God given if they come at the cost of the lives of others.

I had a dream, to be a famous artist. Through high school I usually placed in contests that I entered. I even won an award my Freshman year of college, “Freshman with the Most Potential to Succeed.” I am sure my professors felt that by now they would be hearing great things about me in the art world.

Sometimes our childhood dreams are not the best dreams for us. When the disappointment has passed we can discover that God has planted new dreams in our hearts. Dreams that we can be just as passionate about as the dreams we dreamed as youth. It can be hard to let go of the dreams of childhood, but if we can open our hearts to hear God’s will we can find that our dreams have been restored in something better.

Did Paul have to give up his knowledge of the Law? No. But God wanted him to use his knowledge in a different way. His knowledge was never intended to impress others but to win souls for Christ. It was Paul’s passion that God wanted to use.

Heaven Father, I thank You for new dreams you have placed in my heart. May I always be passionate for You. Amen.

If you happen to think to yourself,” These nations are greater than we are; how can we possibly possess their land?” don’t be afraid of them! Remember, instead, what the LORD your God did to Pharaoh and all Egypt: the great trials that you saw with your own eyes, the signs and wonders, and the strong hand and outstretched arm the LORD your God used to rescue you. That’s what the LORD your God will do to any people you fear. The LORD your God will send terror on them until even the survivors and those hiding from you are destroyed. Don’t dread these nations because the LORD your God, the great and awesome God, is with you and among you. ~Deut.7:17-21 (CEB)

These verses jumped out at me three years ago after a particularly trying time. I was in the game of worrying about how I was going to fix everything and had myself convinced once again that I just needed to try-harder. I felt that God was telling me that even though I felt the problems I was dealing with were bigger than me I was not to be afraid of them. Instea, I was to think back to times where God had done signs and wonders in my life. I was to think of the times He had rescued me from storms where his strong arm had plucked me out of the drowning waters. I was not to fear the trials I was going through. When I read these verses instead of seeing this as a story about the Israelites I saw myself in these verses and I knew God would fight my battle!

Despite the wonders God has done in my life, despite the signs He has sent me to convince me of His love for me I still find that I keep slipping back behind the mask of trying-hard. I am not meant to fight these battles alone. The story was never meant to be “By Jennifer’s mighty strength the battle was won.” No, the story was always been, “See what the good Lord has done in Jennifer’s life? See the wonders! Look at these signs in her life and know that the Lord is good, that He will do for you what He has done for her.”

Heavenly Father, Thank You for always reminding me who is really winning the battles. I thank You that I don’t have to be strong enough, smart enough or patient enough. I thank You that You are. May Your love sustain me through this day through battles big and small. May I always give You the glory. Amen.

Paul went to the synagogue and spoke confidently for the next three months. He interacted with those present and offered convincing arguments concerning the nature of God’s kingdom. Some people had closed their minds, though. They refused to believe and publicly slandered the Way. As a result, Paul left them, took the disciples with him, and continued his daily interactions in Tyrannus’ lecture hall.  This went on for two years, so that everyone living in the province of Asia—both Jews and Greeks—heard the Lord’s word. God was doing unusual miracles through Paul. Even the small towels and aprons that had touched his skin were taken to the sick, and their diseases were cured and the evil spirits left them. ~Acts 19:8-12 (CEB)

God is looking for hands to use and feet to go about His work. I may not have anything special to offer, but if I give God a willing spirit He can use me for His good work. Through Paul’s hands, extraordinary deeds were being done in Ephesus. Sweatbands and aprons of the working men that had touched Paul were able to be carried on to others for further healing. It is important to note that it is not Paul who does these special acts but God through Paul.

This is not the only miracle of this passage. Paul taught in the hall of Tyrannus from 11-4 each day. This was the hottest part of the day when the people of Ephesus slept. It is said that there were more people sleeping soundly at 1 pm in Ephesus than 1 am. Another miracle I see is that Paul was so eager to teach that he worked all morning and evening and taught during the middle hours. Also, the people were so eager to hear God’s word they came and listened while others rested and slept.

This surely shames me when I think of how often I complain about not having enough time to get things done. What times could I be seizing that I would otherwise claim as too inconvenient? Sometimes I feel that miracles no longer happen. What would happen if I gave my hands for God’s work? In times that might be inconvenient if I gave my hands and feet for His service would I see miracles around me?

Heavenly Father, Help me to do Your work this day. May I not be too tired in my busy-ness. Out of my thankfulness may I be willing to give up the time I think so precious so that I can see You work miracles. Through me, may others see Your love. Amen.

There’s a season for everything and a time for every matter under the heavens: a time for giving birth and a time for dying, a time for planting and a time for uprooting what was planted, a time for killing and a time for healing, a time for tearing down and a time for building up, a time for crying and a time for laughing, a time for mourning and a time for dancing, a time for throwing stones and a time for gathering stones, a time for embracing and a time for avoiding embraces, a time for searching and a time for losing, a time for keeping and a time for throwing away, a time for tearing and a time for repairing, a time for keeping silent and a time for speaking,  a time for loving and a time for hating, a time for war and a time for peace. ~Ec c 3:1-8 (CEB)

Change, we have a love hate relationship. There are times I long for change, other times that I dread change.

Today will be our first day back to school. Starting school back is both a return to a certain structure and also a new beginning. As I contemplate this first day of our new school year I can’t help but wonder at the other changes on my horizon. I both anticipate and fear them at the same time. One part of me wants things to freeze in time; the other part of me is excited at the possibilities and long for them to hurry up.

But today I will concentrate on this season: the season for new books, and snuggles while reading, a time for teaching, a time for correcting. With this season I hope to remember to stay present in the moment not looking forward or back. The seasons, they are changing but here in this moment I will love and laugh and appreciate the now. I will remember to love and to smile. I will not let the fears of change threaten the excitement that newness holds.

Heavenly Father, I thank You for all seasons. Walk with us this day as we embark a new season of life. Guide our steps, help us remember to love and to laugh among the serious moments.

A certain man was there who had been sick for thirty- eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there, knowing that he had already been there a long time, he asked him, “ Do you want to get well?” The sick man answered him, “Sir, I don’t have anyone who can put me in the water when it is stirred up. When I’m trying to get to it, someone else has gotten in ahead of me.” Jesus said to him, “ Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” Immediately the man was well, and he picked up his mat and walked. Now that day was the Sabbath.~John 5:5-9 (CEB)

“Do you want to get well?” These words always jump out at me.  Who wouldn’t want to get well? Thirty-eight years is a long time to be unwell.  After such a long time you might get used to being sick, and developed some strong bad habits that keep you sick. After closer inspection I am forced to ask, do I really want to get well? Sometimes I am so attached to my illness (or my addiction) that I prefer being sick. It has become comfortable. Or it could be the crutch I use to hide.

God doesn’t bring healing unless I want to be whole. I am asked to be part of the healing process. Even in miraculous healing, I am expected to participate in the process. The mental desire to be well must shift to a physical act. I am asked to walk through the doors of healing.

If I am to be well I must be careful that my time is not spent in the waiting to be healed. Do I list reasons why I can’t get well? Do I blame my circumstances? Do I blame the people around me? Am I hanging out with others who are sick as well?

I can blame my circumstances or I can allow the healing waters inside of me to be stirred. In the getting up and rolling up my mat healing can occur.

Heavenly Father, stir the waters in my heart. Give me enough strength for this day to live healthily. Bring me one day closer to complete healing.  Amen.

Let’s hold on to the confession of our hope without wavering, because the one who made the promises is reliable. Let’s also think about how to motivate each other to show love and to do good works. Don’t stop meeting together with other believers, which some people have gotten into the habit of doing. Instead, encourage each other, especially as you see the day drawing near. ~Heb. 10:23-25 (CEB)

There seems to be many people who have begun to lose hope. Those who hunger for life’s basic needs but see no relief; those who see too many problems and cannot see a solution. When there is no hope, there is no life- we lose our will to fight, to trust, or to live.

Sometimes problems seem hopeless both to the victims and bystanders. Hope is inseparably connected to love and faith… God’s love and faithfulness. We can trust and hope that He continues to supply the needs of many through us and through all the means available today.  Hebrews 10:23 says, “Let’s hold on to the confession of our hope without wavering because the one who made the promises is reliable”. Empowered by hope in God we can do great things

I begin to lose hope when the world’s problems seem too big to handle. My heart cries out at the needs of others and I begin to feel overwhelmed with the needs. When Pastor Amy Probst said in her sermon series Sharing God’s Abundance the words, “There is too much for us to do everything but there is enough for each of us to do something”, I began to stop looking at the “big problem” of hunger. Instead, I began to see how I could help with “small actions” by collecting food at a food drive, serving meals at the Welcome Table and participating in Crop Drops.

When I ignore a problem, I begin to believe that there is no way that the situation can change. I sometimes find that I begin to accept that that is just the nature of things. I become blind to the need. With a sweet potato drop that I participated in a few weeks back, I felt that each potato I picked up was one more meal for someone who was hungry. The sweet potato drop was a tangible situation where I could be a part of the solution instead of just ignoring the problem. Who knew that hope could come in the form of a huge sweet potato that was too big for the market? Hope not just for the people who would receive a meal, but hope for the people who gave of their time to be a part of the solution.

Through our good works not only do we see hope begin to flicker in the eyes of others but we find by reaching out that hope begins to grow in us as well. Hope is the opportunity to be a part of the solution. As we reach out encouragement goes both ways and the lines between victim and bystander are demolished.

Heavenly Father, May I not become blind to the problems of the world. May I always see with Your eyes and feel with Your heart. May I see “small solutions” to the “big problems” that face our society and be Your hands and feet in the world. Amen.

At the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. Because of this, a man should leave his father and mother and be joined together with his wife, and the two will be one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, humans must not pull apart what God has put together.” ~Mark 10:6-9 (CEB)

26 years ago, this day was my wedding day. When vows are exchanged I think most people do mean them when they are said, but there is a lot to “for richer or poorer”, “in sickness or in health”, and “to death do us part.” There is a lot of living in these words. Words that are hard to comprehend until you have lived them.

It is beyond our comprehension what richer or poorer means when we first start out as a young couple. In sickness and in health is far beyond the common cold. And death? Well, who knew there could be “living-deaths”? There can be a lot of hurts collected in living through rough times. It is no wonder that 50% of marriages end in divorce. So when you look at a marriage that has lasted 10, 20…30 years you have to know that it was not because of “happily ever after” that they survived. It was work that kept them together.

The day I married my husband, I am sure there were stars in my eyes. I didn’t know then that living life would cause me to love my husband even more than I did that day. I didn’t know that our love was simply a seed and that living and loving and forgiving would cause us to grow closer and to love even more deeply.

There are many things in life that we can’t begin to grasp the full meaning of until we begin to live it out. When the disciples began their journey with Jesus they had certain expectations in mind. With Jesus’ death on the cross, their expectations were shattered. This was not the happily ever after they had had in mind when they followed after Christ. But once the pieces of their shattered expectations were collected and thrown away the reality of just what they did have begun to shine through. Being a disciple of Christ was different than what they had first understood it to be but far more wonderful than they had imagined.

Expectations can be hard to overcome. When they are shattered it is not the end, it is the beginning. Once we sweep away what we think should be we can then truly begin to live in the way that God intended.

Heavenly Father, I thank You this day for my husband and my family. I thank You for all of my life, the first part and the second. Continue to bless us with many more years to come. Amen.